The Simpsons (TV Series)

Missionary: Impossible (2000)

Hank Azaria: Brother #1, PBS Host, Bank Teller, Yo-Yo Ma, Craig, Ak, Carl

Quotes 

• Betty White : And now for the moment of generosity.

  Homer : Will cash be okay?

  Betty White : Absolutely.

  Homer : Well, then we got a problem. The banks are closed by now.

  Betty White : It's 12:15.

  Homer : Maybe your movie star banks are open crazy hours, but we in Springfield are simple folk. We like our cars fast and our banks closed.

  [seeing the angry looks] 

  Homer : Okay, fine, we'll go down there, but they're not going to be open.

  [cut to the bank, which goes about business as usual] 

  Homer : Yeah... it's a real ghost town in there.

  PBS Host : [with a sarcastic amused laugh]  Get in there.

• PBS Host : With your donation, you'll receive this classic PBS tote bag.

  Betty White : Or this umbrella featuring a picture of our classic tote bag.

  PBS Host : And the next 20 callers will get this album of museum noises. Now your music room can sound just like the Metropolitan Museum in New York.

  [sound of footsteps and a security guard clearing his throat] 

  PBS Host : Outstanding.

  Homer : Why are you torturing me? I'm just a man!

  Betty White : You know, I've worked with so many legendary actors over the years who could be counted on to "phone it in." Well, now it's your turn to phone it in; your pledge, that is. Please. Please! We're only $10,000 away from returning to our show.

  Homer : Well, why didn't you say so?

• Homer : I'd like to withdraw $10,000, please.

  Bank Teller : [reading the note passed to him]  "You are on television. Please play along." Are you robbing me?

  Homer : [whispering]  I'll pay you later.

  PBS Host : Um, is there a problem, Mr. Simpson?

  Homer : Uh... . why, no. Uh, everything is just...

  [grabbing a pen, he tries to stab the host, but the short chain prevents it] 

  Homer : Ohh! I can't do it! I can't kill a man.

  [changing his hand position, he tries again] 

• Betty White : If you like great PBS programs like "Do Shut Up" and "Shut Your Gob," you'll want to support our pledge drive.

  Bart : Pledge drive? Ugh!

  PBS Host : That's right, Betty White.

  Betty White : Absolutely. If you watch even one second of PBS and don't contribute, you're a thief. A common thief.

  PBS Host : Okay, take it easy, Betty.

  Betty White : Sorry, but these thieves make me so damn mad. You know who you are. Thieves!

  Homer : You're mad? Where's my show?

  PBS Host : And now it's time to go back to "Do Shut Up."

  Homer : Finally.

  PBS Host : But first...

  Homer : [disappointed groan]  Ohh!