The Simpsons (TV Series)

Missionary: Impossible (2000)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson

Quotes 

• [Phone rings] 

  Rupert Murdoch : Hello, Murdoch here... 10,000 dollars? You've saved my network.

  Bart : Wouldn't be the first time.

• Bart : Dad, are you licking toads?

  Homer : I'm not NOT licking toads.

• Mr. Burns : Simpson. I've been reviewing your performance record, and it is appalling. It says here that you caused 17 meltdowns.

  Bart : I'm not Homer Simpson.

  Mr. Burns : I know who Homer Simpson is. Not only that, but you also sold plutonium to the Iraqis... with no mark-up.

• [first lines] 

  PBS Announcer : You're watching PBS.

  [Cut to the Thames opening logo] 

  Bart Simpson : YOU'RE watching PBS?

  Homer : Hey, I'm as surprised as you, but I've stumbled upon the most delicious British sitcom.

  Bart Simpson : [seeing the title]  "Do Shut Up"?

  Homer : It's about a hard-drinking yet loving family of soccer hooligans. If they're not having a go with a bird, they're having a row with a wanker.

  Bart Simpson : Cheeky.

• Betty White : If you like great PBS programs like "Do Shut Up" and "Shut Your Gob," you'll want to support our pledge drive.

  Bart : Pledge drive? Ugh!

  PBS Host : That's right, Betty White.

  Betty White : Absolutely. If you watch even one second of PBS and don't contribute, you're a thief. A common thief.

  PBS Host : Okay, take it easy, Betty.

  Betty White : Sorry, but these thieves make me so damn mad. You know who you are. Thieves!

  Homer : You're mad? Where's my show?

  PBS Host : And now it's time to go back to "Do Shut Up."

  Homer : Finally.

  PBS Host : But first...

  Homer : [disappointed groan]  Ohh!

• Marge : So, you said on the phone you had something to tell me?

  Rev. Lovejoy : Hmm? Oh, yes. Your husband's in Microatia.

  Lisa : Microatia? That's 12,000 miles away.

  Rev. Lovejoy : Uh-huh. He needed to get away for a while. I suggested missionary work, and he jumped at the idea.

  Marge : Missionary work?

  Bart : He's dead, isn't he?

  Rev. Lovejoy : No, no. You can even keep in touch with him on this ham radio.

  Homer : [over the radio]  Jebus, where are you? Homer to Jebus.

  [disappointed groan] 

  Homer : Ohh...

• Homer : Yes, I'd like to pledge $10,000 to get them to shut up. From... anonymous.

  [hanging up and brushing his hands together] 

  Homer : Done and done.

  Bart : Dad, you don't have $10,000.

  Homer : Eh, how are they gonna find me?

  Betty White : Folks, we just reached our goal of $10,700, and it's all thanks to one generous caller who didn't leave his name.

  [Homer laughs triumphantly] 

  Betty White : But thanks to Insta-Trace, we've learned it's Homer Simpson of 742 Evergreen Terrace.

  Homer : AHH! Oh, why did I register with Insta-Trace?

  Betty White : Our pledge enforcement van will be at his house in moments.

  Homer : Uh-oh. You gotta help me, Bart.

  [seeing him jump out the window] 

  Homer : That's it, boy. Go get help.

  [realizing Bart's playing on the swing set] 

  Homer : D'oh!

• Bart : [talking to Homer on the ham radio]  I miss you, Dad. Mom won't let me read Hagar the Horrible.

  Marge : I just don't think it's funny.