The Simpsons (TV Series)

My Mother the Carjacker (2003)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Gil, Blue-Haired Lawyer, Sideshow Mel, Grampa Simpson, Cop #1

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : [in the witness box]  Now I'm not a man who's good with words...

  [very long pause] 

• Homer Simpson : Sometimes, Marge, you just have to go with your gut.

  Marge : You *always* go with your gut. How about for once you listen to your brain?

• Gil : Now Lisa, would you agree that your grandmother is a sweet, harmless woman who could hardly be considered a menace to society?

  Lisa Simpson : If you ask me, she's less dangerous than Bart.

  Bart Simpson : If it please the court, I would like to go ape on my sister.

• Homer Simpson : Mom, I swear on your eventual grave, I will never, ever let the police get their hands on you!

• Lisa Simpson : I say we hit them where they live. With a candlelight vigil.

  Homer Simpson : Candlepin bowling? That's a great idea. We'll play right after I break your grandmother out of prison.

• Homer Simpson : I couldn't sleep because I thought there might be a sign of my mom in one of these articles. They never did find her body.

  Bart Simpson : Then what was in the coffin?

  Homer Simpson : Last week's garbage. I missed the pickup date.

• Homer Simpson : [to a sleeping Bart]  Psst... hey pal. Hey buddy, wake up. Wanna go on an adventure with your old man?

  Bart Simpson : No...

  Homer Simpson : You have no choice.

  [camera pulls back to reveal they're already driving in the car] 

  Homer Simpson : There's coffee in the thermos.

• Grampa : Mona, I'll always remember raspberry trolley cars, because my mind is shot.

• [Homer and Bart are changing messages on a highway warning sign. A message comes up: Stacey will you marry me?] 

  Homer Simpson : Awww.

  [Next message: What do you mean 'no'?] 

  Homer Simpson : Haha! Loser!

  [Third message: I hope your car blows up] 

  Homer Simpson : Geez, pal.