The Simpsons (TV Series)

The President Wore Pearls (2003)

Nancy Cartwright: Bart Simpson

Quotes 

• Seymour : [singing]  I'm so happy with my evil plan. Say goodbye to music, gym, and art. Soon we will have the perfect school... where fun and excitement never start.

  Groundskeeper Willie : I'm so drunk, I can barely see. But it helps me get through another day. My stomach is filled with haggis and ham. I've got to go puke in some hay.

  Bart : Lisa is a fool.

  Seymour : I think the rules are cool.

  Groundskeeper Willie : I've fallen in the pool!

• Bart : [reading a school bulletin]  "All extracurricular activities are hereby canceled, to be replaced by nothing."

  Milhouse Van Houten : [the students all gasp]  Who would sign such an order?

  Bart : "As ordered by Principal Skinner and approved by student body president Lisa Simpson"!

  Milhouse Van Houten : [the students all gasp again]  And to think I was gonna ask you to the dance.

  Lisa : I would have gone with you.

  Milhouse Van Houten : Well, you still can.

  Lisa : Well, I don't feel like it now.

  Milhouse Van Houten : [groaning in disappointment]  That's cool.

  [slapping himself] 

  Milhouse Van Houten : Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

• Marge Simpson : Lisa, what are you doing? This is the kind of trouble-making I expect from your brother.

  Bart : You do? Cool, a blank check for mayhem.

  [picking up a brick, he throws it at a school window; it rebounds and hits him in the head, knocking him out] 

  Lisa : Mom, I was elected to make this a better school.

  Marge Simpson : Well, couldn't you just hang some colorful crepe paper in the gym?

  Lisa : They've taken away our crepe paper.

  Marge Simpson : Those fuddruckers!

  [police cars pull up, a siren whooping] 

  Marge Simpson : Oh, no, they heard me.

• Bart : Lis, you made the school worse than it already was. It wasn't exactly San Diego State to begin with.

• Nelson Muntz : So, when's my inauguration?

  Chalmers : [checking his watch]  Hmm, let's see... uh, when hell freezes over, tough guy.

• Lisa : I think I can say with all humility, I am going to be the best school president ever.

  Bart : [clapping, sarcastic]  Bravo, Lisa. Bravo.

  Marge Simpson : Oh, isn't that sweet? Even your brother's adding his kudos.

  Bart : I was being sarcastic.

  Marge Simpson : You were?

  Bart : [with heavy sarcasm]  No, I was being sincere.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, I'm so confused.

  Bart : Lise, Skinner is using you, like a pawn on his unholy chess set.

  Homer Simpson : On my chess set, the pawns are all Hamburglars.

• Nelson Muntz : [Lisa has won over the students through song]  Hey, I've got a song, too. "I am Iron Man."

  [humming the song's guitar riff] 

  Nelson Muntz : Vote for me! Ah, screw it.

• Lisa : Nelson, you're running for president?

  Nelson Muntz : I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I do have all the answer *keys* to every test.

  [students clamor around him] 

  Nelson Muntz : [passing them out]  Fractions? Dinosaurs? Foreign money? The first Thanksgiving?

  Edna Krabappel : Nelson, what are you doing?

  Nelson Muntz : Real estate license exam?

  Edna Krabappel : [taking it]  My ticket to freedom!

  Lisa : [dismayed, as the students all start chanting for him]  I'm doomed.

• Lisa : [singing]  What have I done?

  Bart : What they wanted you to.

  Lisa : Skinner betrayed me.

  Bart : But a tango takes two.

  Milhouse Van Houten : I almost had a date. I've gotta tell Willie about this.

• Kent Brockman : [reporting on the student strike]  The heart of the strike is former student body president Lisa Simpson. Her brother had this to say.

  Bart : [outside the school]  Lisa is a nut/She has a rubber butt/Every time she turns around, it goes "putt-putt".

  Kent Brockman : [back in the studio]  Indeed, but that rubber butt doesn't have much time for turning around these days. It's pointed squarely in the face of the administration.

  Chalmers : [turning a TV off]  Skinner! We have got to get these kids back in school.

  Principal Skinner : Willie, can't you turn your hose on them?

  Groundskeeper Willie : They are wee children. I'd sooner turn it on myself.

  Principal Skinner : Well, that's a good idea, too.

  Groundskeeper Willie : See, here, you nose-wiping hair-combers. Back in Edinburgh, we had a coal miner's strike. All we wanted were hats with a wee light on top. Then one day, the mine collapsed. No one made it out alive. Not even Willie.

  Chalmers : Skinner! I don't mean to interrupt your advice from the janitor, but I say cut off the head and the body will die.

  Principal Skinner : You want to get rid of Lisa? But she's such a good student.

  Chalmers : Yes, in fact, I think she's a little too good for this school.

• Ralph : Lisa's a sellout! Lisa's a sellout! Hey, Lisa. What's a sellout?