The Simpsons (TV Series)

The President Wore Pearls (2003)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lisa : Principal Skinner, I will not call off this strike until you bring back music and art.

  Principal Skinner : What about gym?

  Lisa : [indifferent]  Meh.

• Lisa : Principal Skinner, may I make an announcement to the school?

  Principal Skinner : I can't see the harm.

  Lisa : [taking his intercom microphone]  I hereby resign as your president, and for my last act, I call a general student strike, effective immediately!

  Principal Skinner : [taking it back]  Give me that! Any student caught striking will be severely disciplined, unless all of you do it, then I'm stymied.

• Bart : [reading a school bulletin]  "All extracurricular activities are hereby canceled, to be replaced by nothing."

  Milhouse Van Houten : [the students all gasp]  Who would sign such an order?

  Bart : "As ordered by Principal Skinner and approved by student body president Lisa Simpson"!

  Milhouse Van Houten : [the students all gasp again]  And to think I was gonna ask you to the dance.

  Lisa : I would have gone with you.

  Milhouse Van Houten : Well, you still can.

  Lisa : Well, I don't feel like it now.

  Milhouse Van Houten : [groaning in disappointment]  That's cool.

  [slapping himself] 

  Milhouse Van Houten : Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

• Lisa : In the Swedish public schools, the students grade the teachers on their performance...

  Principal Skinner : Outstanding notions! Each more implementable than the last.

  Edna Krabappel : It's a shame you can't stay to discuss them. Here's your schedule for the day.

  Lisa : [looking it over]  "Photo op helping kindergartners take off snow boots", "move the brushfire hazard needle". Um, shouldn't I stay here and work on school policy?

  Principal Skinner : Lisa, you were elected to be seen and enjoyed. Don't hide your light in a smoky back room, making dusty old decisions.

  Lisa : [giggling happily]  Well, I am proud of my light.

  Principal Skinner : But just in case you want to do any more thinking, I'm proud to present you with an official key to the study hall. Use it anytime you like.

  Lisa : You mean I can come to the school after hours, weekends, even during the summer?

  Principal Skinner : Yes, it's like you're Harry Potter without the magic and wonder. Just sign these authorization forms, and you can be on your way.

  [she does so, and he leads her out] 

  Principal Skinner : [chuckling]  That little girl should learn to read things before she signs 'em.

  Lisa : [coming back]  Excuse me? I was wondering if I should read what I just signed.

  Principal Skinner : Oh, it's just standard key release boilerplate.

  Lisa : [leaving]  Okay.

  Principal Skinner : Boy, she'll believe anything.

  Lisa : [coming back again]  Key release boilerplate? I find that very hard to believe.

  Principal Skinner : Mm-hmm, and yet there it is.

  [ushering her out] 

  Principal Skinner : I'll just lock this door.

  Lisa : [coming back yet again]  Boy, this key opens everything.

• Homer Simpson : [after Lisa is transferred to a new school]  I'm not driving 45 minutes a day! You can't go to that school!

  Lisa : But this is my dream.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, why can't you have a normal dream like being an Olympic figure skater?

  Lisa : [getting into the car]  Okay, let me take figure skating.

  Homer Simpson : [driving away]  Are you crazy? I'm not getting up at 6:30 every morning so you can prance around a frozen pond and think you're better than me.

  Lisa : Well, what can I be?

  Homer Simpson : I don't know. How about a horse whisperer?

  Lisa : Okay.

  Homer Simpson : Over my dead body.

• Marge Simpson : Lisa, what are you doing? This is the kind of trouble-making I expect from your brother.

  Bart : You do? Cool, a blank check for mayhem.

  [picking up a brick, he throws it at a school window; it rebounds and hits him in the head, knocking him out] 

  Lisa : Mom, I was elected to make this a better school.

  Marge Simpson : Well, couldn't you just hang some colorful crepe paper in the gym?

  Lisa : They've taken away our crepe paper.

  Marge Simpson : Those fuddruckers!

  [police cars pull up, a siren whooping] 

  Marge Simpson : Oh, no, they heard me.

• Homer Simpson : I'll put everything on lucky 17.

  [Lisa spins her prize wheel] 

  Homer Simpson : D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Whoo-hoo!

  [as the wheel slows down] 

  Homer Simpson : D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Whoo-hoo! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'ooooh!

  [the wheel lands on 17] 

  Homer Simpson : Whoo-hoo!

  Lisa : And the winner is... 17!

  Homer Simpson : I win!

  [hugging Marge] 

  Homer Simpson : This is it, baby. First thing tomorrow, we're getting a PlayStation One!

  Marge Simpson : Ooh!

• Lisa : I can't beat Nelson.

  Homer Simpson : Why don't you start a rumor that he's... ding-a-ling-a-ling!

  [in a high-pitched falsetto, sing-songy voice] 

  Homer Simpson : Hello! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, what a delicious quiche! I drive a pink Miata.

  Lisa : I can't believe Nelson is more popular than me.

  [Homer prances around the front yard, humming] 

  Marge Simpson : Honey, you can be popular. You've just got to be yourself... in a whole new way.

  Lisa : No, I'm gonna stick to my platform of incremental policy amelioration: fluoridated water fountains, vegan lunch options...

  Homer Simpson : [coming back in wearing a tutu, lisping]  "My name is Nelson! I use a thalad fork. La-dee-dah! I wash my face."

  Marge Simpson : Where did you get that tutu?

  Homer Simpson : Clothesline.

• Milhouse Van Houten : Hey, Lisa, can I get a photo for the front page? It'll either be a picture of you or the drinking fountain that won't stop running.

  Lisa : Make it snappy, Milhouse. I've got an important meeting in the teachers' lounge.

  Milhouse Van Houten : [taking a picture as she poses]  The teachers' lounge. Is it true they make fun of students in there?

  Lisa : Oh, don't be silly.

  Groundskeeper Willie : [she opens the door]  Look at me, I'm Milhouse. I've tucked me shirt into me underpants!

  [teachers, Otto, and Skinner roar with laughter] 

  Groundskeeper Willie : I've got no friends, so I confide in Willie!

• Lisa : I think I can say with all humility, I am going to be the best school president ever.

  Bart : [clapping, sarcastic]  Bravo, Lisa. Bravo.

  Marge Simpson : Oh, isn't that sweet? Even your brother's adding his kudos.

  Bart : I was being sarcastic.

  Marge Simpson : You were?

  Bart : [with heavy sarcasm]  No, I was being sincere.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, I'm so confused.

  Bart : Lise, Skinner is using you, like a pawn on his unholy chess set.

  Homer Simpson : On my chess set, the pawns are all Hamburglars.

• Lisa : And then, as school president, I don't have to take the hearing test.

  Marge Simpson : I'm so proud of you, Lisa.

  Lisa : [holding a hand to her ear]  What?

  Marge Simpson : You're like Geraldine Ferraro, except you won where she failed miserably.

• Lisa : Nelson, you're running for president?

  Nelson Muntz : I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I do have all the answer *keys* to every test.

  [students clamor around him] 

  Nelson Muntz : [passing them out]  Fractions? Dinosaurs? Foreign money? The first Thanksgiving?

  Edna Krabappel : Nelson, what are you doing?

  Nelson Muntz : Real estate license exam?

  Edna Krabappel : [taking it]  My ticket to freedom!

  Lisa : [dismayed, as the students all start chanting for him]  I'm doomed.

• Lisa : You tricked me into betraying my fellow students!

  Principal Skinner : Lisa, student government is meaningless. Look at your constitution. It's written on the back of a placemat.

  Chalmers : And not a good placemat. It's from some place called Doodles.

• Lisa : [singing]  What have I done?

  Bart : What they wanted you to.

  Lisa : Skinner betrayed me.

  Bart : But a tango takes two.

  Milhouse Van Houten : I almost had a date. I've gotta tell Willie about this.