The Simpsons (TV Series)

Weekend at Burnsie's (2002)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Sgt. Scraps, Hans Moleman

Quotes 

• Otto Mann : [both stoned; watching "The Three Stooges"]  Hey, "Shemp" spelled backwards is "Hemp"!

  [laughs] 

  Homer Simpson : And Otto spelled backwards is "Otto"!

  [laughs] 

  Otto Mann : Now I'm scared.

• Bart Simpson : Dad, I thought you didn't like Lisa's saxophone.

  Homer Simpson : I didn't. But now, daddy's special medicine-

  [menacingly] 

  Homer Simpson : which you must never use because it will ruin your life- lets daddy see and hear magical things that you will never experience... ever!

• Homer Simpson : Oh man, we killed Mr. Burns! Mr. Burns is going to be so mad!

• Homer Simpson : [thinking as he is watching Lisa play her sax]  Wow, that sax would make a great pipe.

• Marge Simpson : [Homer is naming off the crows in his bedroom]  Homer, I'm not sure I'm comfortable sleeping with a group of crows in the bedroom in the night.

  Homer Simpson : It's a murder, honey. A group of crows is called a murder.

  Marge Simpson : I'm going to go sleep on the couch tonight.

• Marge Simpson : [Homer comes home with a new suit]  Where did you get that suit?

  Homer Simpson : Woah, woah, one question at a time.

  [Points to Marge] 

  Homer Simpson : Yes, you?

  Marge Simpson : Homer, I am getting really worried you are going overboard with this. We are out of clothespins, there are half-eaten cupcakes all around the house, and the curtains smell like doob.

  Homer Simpson : Well I got news for you: I just got promoted and it's all thanks to yes-I-cannabis!

  [Homer walks away] 

  Homer Simpson : We have a kitchen?

• [Homer reads label on medicinal pot] 

  Homer : Caution, objects may apppear more edible than they actually are.

• Homer Simpson : [stoned, at work on the phone]  Marge! I just realized. I am the "ow" in the word "now."

  [Angrily] 

  Homer Simpson : And if you tell anyone...!

• [Homer is getting stitches in his eyes] 

  Homer : I hate getting stitches in my eye. Stupid crows.

  Dr. Julius Hibbert : Now, don't be mad at the crows, Homer. They weren't trying to blind you, they were just trying to drink your sweet, sweet eye juices.

• Bart : As long as you're doing things for me, will you tie up your bathrobe when you walk around the house?

  Homer : NEVER.

• Homer Simpson : But isn't marijuana or "dope" illegal?

  Dr. Julius Hibbert : Only for those who enjoy it! Medical use of marijuana is legal in this state. We'll also provide you with a prescription bong - you want the wizard or the skull?

• [Homer is listening to Lisa playing her saxaphone while he's high on marijuana] 

  Bart : Hey, Dad, I thought you hated Lisa's sax.

  Homer : I did, but now Daddy's new medicine... which you must never use. Because it will ruin your life... helps Daddy see the magical colors that you will never experience... EVER.