South Park (TV Series)

All About Mormons (2003)

Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mr. Garrison, Clyde, Mark Harrison, Dave Harrison, Amanda Harrison, Background Singers, 1800s Man #2, 1800's Man #3, Moroni, Randy Marsh, Martin Harris

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Gary Harrison : [to Stan]  Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense, and maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up, but I have a great life, and a great family, and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up, because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You've got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls.

  [turns around and walks off] 

  Eric Cartman : Damn, that kid is cool, huh?

• Mr. Garrison : Looks like I don't have a class full of retards any more, doesn't it, children?

• Martin Harris : What's all this about Mr. Smith?

  Joseph Smith : Mr. Harris, can you keep a secret?

  Martin Harris : Well, sure I can.

  Joseph Smith : I have, in my possession, an ancient book written on gold plates that tells of Jesus Christ's second coming. Here, in America.

  Martin Harris : In America? Really? That sounds kind of...

  Background Singers : [singing over his dialogue]  Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb

• Background Singers : Martin went home to his wife Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb And showed her pages from the Book of Mormon Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

  Martin Harris : A-and so Joseph Smith put his head into a hat, a-and read to me what the golden plates said. I wrote it all down and we're gonna publish it into a book.

  Lucy Harris : Martin, how do you know he isn't just making stuff up and pretending he's translating off golden plates?

  Background Singers : Lucy Harris smart smart smart Smart smart smart smart smart

  Martin Harris : Why would he make it up?

  Background Singers : Martin Harris dumb dadumb...

  Lucy Harris : [takes the papers from him]  All right, here. I'm gonna hide these pages.

  [puts them in a drawer at the bottom end of an armoir] 

  Lucy Harris : If Joseph Smith really is translating off of golden plates, then he'll be able to do it again. But if Joseph Smith is making it all up, then the new translations will be different from these.

  Martin Harris : Okay, fine. I bet he'll have no problem.

  [puts on his coat and heads out] 

  Background Singers : Lucy Harris smart smart smart Martin Harris dumb.

• Eric Cartman : My name's Ura, Ura Fag.