- Chef: [singing] Say everybody have you seen my balls/They're big and salty and brown./If you ever need a quick pick-me-up./Just put my balls in your mouth./Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls - Stick 'em in your mouth/Put 'em in your mouth and you suck 'em and you suck 'em.
- Mr. Twig: As you may or may not know, the first annual South Park Film Festival begins today.
- Kyle Broflovski: They're going to show that stupid ass Godzilla movie, are they?
- Mr. Garrison: No Kyle, these are independent films.
- Stan: What, like Independence Day? That movie sucked ass too.
- Cartman: No dude, independent films are those black and white hippie movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
- Cartman: I've learned something too: selling out is sweet because when you sell out, you get to make a lot of money, and when you have money, you don't have to hang out with a bunch of poor asses like you guys. Screw you guys, I'm going home.
- Man #1: [Stampede kills Kenny after the screening of "Me and Mr. Hankey"] Oh my god! I found a penny!
- Man #2: You bastard!
- Cartman: [referring to the Mr. Hankey motion picture] Who the hell cast Tom Hanks in this? Tom Hanks can't act his way out of a nutsack!