- Bill Cosby: Well, Fat Abbot and the gang sure done learned somethin' today. If you have a stepdad ridin' your ass, just snatch his ass in a bear trap. Grine! No more stepdad. See ya next time eatin' the pudding.
- Mr. Garrison: Stan, are you paying attention?
- Stan: Yes, Mr. Garrison.
- Mr. Garrison: Well then, Stanley, what did I just say?
- Stan: [pause] Um, you said that even though Charo appeared 12 times on the Love Boat, the episode with Captain and Tennille got higher ratings.
- Mr. Garrison: Well, okay, I suppose you were paying attention.
- Kyle: [whispers] Good guess dude.
- Stan: [whispers] Phew.
- Bebe Stevens: Stan, truth or dare?
- Stan Marsh: Dare.
- Bebe Stevens: [Wendy and Bebe whisper to each other] Take this stick, and jam it up your pee-hole!
- Stan Marsh: What?
- Wendy Testaberger: Wow, that sucks. Do you think it'll hurt?
- Randy Marsh: [digging up a clock] Hey, I think I found it!
- Sharon Marsh: That's not it, you idiot!
- Randy Marsh: Hey, back off bitch!
- Sharon Marsh: [gasps] You just said the "c" word!
- Randy Marsh: ...Did I?