- [Ms. Garrison checks on the kids in her class if their parenting skills went well]
- Ms. Garrison: Now how about our gay couples? Stan and Kyle?
- Stan: [determined] Fine!
- Ms. Garrison: What?
- Stan: No problems at all!
- Ms. Garrison: [angry] That's impossible!
- [she snatches the egg from Stan's hand and looks it over carefully]
- Ms. Garrison: Are you sure you didn't break it and switch eggs on me? Where's my signature?
- Stan: It's right there, see?
- [he leans toward Kyle in fear; Wendy looks away from the action]
- Ms. Garrison: [shouts] Two boys can't possibly take care of an egg!
- Kyle: Dude, it's totally fine.
- Ms. Garrison: [shouts] It isn't fine! It has two daddies! It may be fine on the outside, but inside it's confused and embarrassed! Look at the freak egg! It has two daddies!
- [taunts the egg directly]
- Ms. Garrison: Two daddies! Two daddies! C'mon, class, let's rip on the freak egg! Two daddies! Two daddies!
- [the class becomes confused]
- [gay and straight protesters get a hearing from the Governor of South Park on gay marriage]
- Governor: I believe that I might have come up with a compromise to this whole problem that will make everyone happy! People in the gay community want the same rights as married couples, but dissenters don't want the word "marriage" corrupted. So how about we let gay people get married, but call it something else?
- [everyone listens quietly]
- Governor: You homosexuals will have all the exact same rights as married couples, but, instead of referring to you as "married", you can be... butt buddies.
- [long silence]
- Governor: Instead of being "man and wife", you'll be... butt buddies. You won't be "betrothed", you'll be...
- [makes quote with his fingers]
- Governor: ...butt buddies. Get it? Instead of a "bride and groom", you'd be...
- [makes quote with his fingers again]
- Governor: ...butt buddies.
- Mr. Slave: We wanna be treated equally!
- Governor: You *are* equal. It's just that, instead of getting engaged, you would be... butt buddies. And everyone is happy!
- Woman: [from the lesbian crowd] Well, what about lesbians?
- Governor: Well, like anyone cares about f**kin' dykes!
- [the crowd goes into an uproar]
- Governor: [embarrassed] Oh, God, I was sure that would work.
- [checks on the kids in her class to see if their parenting skills went well]
- Ms. Garrison: Now, how about our gay couples? Stan and Kyle?
- Stan: [determined] Fine!
- Ms. Garrison: What?
- Stan: No problems at all!
- Ms. Garrison: [angry] That's impossible!
- [she snatches the egg from Stan's hand and looks it over carefully]
- Ms. Garrison: Are you sure you didn't break it and switch eggs on me? Where's my signature?
- Stan: It's right there, see?
- [he leans toward Kyle in fear; Wendy looks away from the action]
- Ms. Garrison: [shouts] Two boys can't possibly take care of an egg!
- Kyle: Dude, it's totally fine.
- Ms. Garrison: [shouts] It isn't fine! It has two daddies! It may be fine on the outside, but inside it's confused and embarrassed! Look at the freak egg! It has two daddies!
- [taunts the egg directly]
- Ms. Garrison: Two daddies! Two daddies! C'mon, class, let's rip on the freak egg! Two daddies! Two daddies!
- [gay and straight protesters get a hearing from the Governor of South Park on gay marriage]
- Governor: I believe that I might have come up with a compromise to this whole problem that will make everyone happy! People in the gay community want the same rights as married couples, but dissenters don't want the word "marriage" corrupted. So how about we let gay people get married, but call it something else?
- [everyone listens quietly]
- Governor: You homosexuals will have all the exact same rights as married couples, but, instead of referring to you as "married", you can be... butt buddies.
- [long silence]
- Governor: Instead of being "man and wife", you'll be... butt buddies. You won't be "betrothed", you'll be...
- [makes quote with his fingers]
- Governor: ...butt buddies. Get it? Instead of a "bride and groom", you'd be...
- [makes quote with his fingers again]
- Governor: ...butt buddies.
- Mr. Slave: We wanna be treated equally!
- Governor: You *are* equal. It's just that, instead of getting engaged, you would be... butt buddies. And everyone is happy!
- Woman: [from the lesbian crowd] Well, what about lesbians?
- Governor: Well, like anyone cares about fuckin' dykes!
- [the crowd goes into an uproar]
- Governor: [embarrassed] Oh, God, I was sure that would work.