South Park (TV Series)

Mecha-Streisand (1998)

Matt Stone: Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Anthropologist, Pip Pirrup, Milo, Sidney Poitier, Clam Girl #1, Jimbo Kern, Ted, Jesus

Quotes 

• [Barbra Streisand has disguised herself to trick the boys into giving her the magic Triangle] 

  Barbra Streisand : I want to give you a big cash reward for finding it. It's worth a lot of money to me.

  Eric Cartman : It is?

  Stan Marsh : Hey, no wonder that Barbra Streisand lady wanted it.

  Barbra Streisand : Oh!

  [giggles nervously] 

  Barbra Streisand : Who is that?

  Kyle Broflovski : Oh, just this really, really old lady who wishes she was still only forty-five.

  [Boys laugh, Barbra Streisand grinds her teeth] 

  Stan Marsh : Yeah, and you should have seen her nose! It was big enough to land Stealth Bombers on!

  [Boys laugh again, Barbra Streisand desperately tries to restrain herself] 

  Eric Cartman : Yeah! And talk about a bitch, I haven't seen...

  Barbra Streisand : *Enough*!

• Kyle Broflovski : Wait. Isn't there some rule about not getting into cars with strangers?

  Eric Cartman : No, not when money's involved, stupid!

• Kyle Broflovski : [yelling to Robert Smith as he disappears into the distance]  "Disintegration" is the best album EVER!

• Eric Cartman : [after the boys are forced to endure Streisand's singing]  Okay, okay! I'll tell where the triangle is. It's inside my shoe.

  [Milo approaches and removes his right shoe] 

  Kyle Broflovski : Aagh! For Christ's sake, Cartman, when was the last time you changed your socks?

  Eric Cartman : And I suppose *your* socks smell like the Botanical Gardens?

• Tom the News Reader : ...and finally tonight, a young boy from South Park, Colorado found something very interesting during a field trip today. Here with a special report is a quadraplegic Swiss man on a pony.

  [cuts to Quadraplegic Swiss man] 

  Quadraplegic Swiss Man : Thanks, Tom, the little eight year old was very shocked indeed when he came across a very ancient triangular object.

  Kyle Broflovski : Well, I was just digging around, and I was all like, 'dude, I found this triangle' and my friends were like, 'dude' and I was all like 'dude.'

  Eric Cartman : ...and I told him. I said, 'Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts.' But he didn't give it back to me. So I kicked him squa' - in the nuts, and he cried - like Nancy Kerrigan!

  Kyle Broflovski : You liar, Cartman!

  Eric Cartman : [off-camera]  Screw you, triangle thief!

  Quadraplegic Swiss Man : And so, the little boy will take his discovery home and perhaps donate it to science... mwell a little later. Back to you, Dave.

  Tom the News Reader : Thanks, Tom. Those are some cute, cute kids, except for that last one-he's a little tubby.

  Eric Cartman : [popping up before the camera]  Eeyy!

• Kyle Broflovski : But you know, I've learned something today. I've learned that people who want power, a lot of power, always end up dead.