South Park (TV Series)
Mecha-Streisand (1998)
Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mr. Garrison, Tom the News Reader, Quadriplegic Swiss Man on a Pony, Leonard Maltin, Officer Barbrady, Director, Clam Girl #1, Tom the News Reporter, Japanese Singer, General, Ned Gerblansky
Quotes
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[Barbra Streisand has disguised herself to trick the boys into giving her the magic Triangle]
Barbra Streisand : I want to give you a big cash reward for finding it. It's worth a lot of money to me.
Eric Cartman : It is?
Stan Marsh : Hey, no wonder that Barbra Streisand lady wanted it.
Barbra Streisand : Oh!
[giggles nervously]
Barbra Streisand : Who is that?
Kyle Broflovski : Oh, just this really, really old lady who wishes she was still only forty-five.
[Boys laugh, Barbra Streisand grinds her teeth]
Stan Marsh : Yeah, and you should have seen her nose! It was big enough to land Stealth Bombers on!
[Boys laugh again, Barbra Streisand desperately tries to restrain herself]
Eric Cartman : Yeah! And talk about a bitch, I haven't seen...
Barbra Streisand : *Enough*!
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Kyle Broflovski : Wait. Isn't there some rule about not getting into cars with strangers?
Eric Cartman : No, not when money's involved, stupid!
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[Cartman is on an anthropological dig with the rest of the class]
Eric Cartman : [singing] Days never endin', massa got me workin', someday massa set me free!
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Barbra Streisand : You know who I am, don't you?
Officer Barbrady : Well, you ain't Fiona Apple, and if you ain't Fiona Apple, I don't give a rat's ass.
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Officer Barbrady : Boys, shouldn't you be in school?
Stan Marsh : It's Saturday!
Officer Barbrady : No excuses! Move along, you little troublemakers!
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Eric Cartman : [after the boys are forced to endure Streisand's singing] Okay, okay! I'll tell where the triangle is. It's inside my shoe.
[Milo approaches and removes his right shoe]
Kyle Broflovski : Aagh! For Christ's sake, Cartman, when was the last time you changed your socks?
Eric Cartman : And I suppose *your* socks smell like the Botanical Gardens?
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Leonard Maltin : Haven't you ever been curious about the insanity Barbara Streisand exhibits?
Chef : Well, I always heard she was kind of a bitch, but...
Leonard Maltin : More than a bitch, Chef. She's a calculating, self-centered, egotistical bitch. She was born in a small town, her mother was a jackal, and her father was an insurance salesman.
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Tom the News Reader : ...and finally tonight, a young boy from South Park, Colorado found something very interesting during a field trip today. Here with a special report is a quadraplegic Swiss man on a pony.
[cuts to Quadraplegic Swiss man]
Quadraplegic Swiss Man : Thanks, Tom, the little eight year old was very shocked indeed when he came across a very ancient triangular object.
Kyle Broflovski : Well, I was just digging around, and I was all like, 'dude, I found this triangle' and my friends were like, 'dude' and I was all like 'dude.'
Eric Cartman : ...and I told him. I said, 'Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts.' But he didn't give it back to me. So I kicked him squa' - in the nuts, and he cried - like Nancy Kerrigan!
Kyle Broflovski : You liar, Cartman!
Eric Cartman : [off-camera] Screw you, triangle thief!
Quadraplegic Swiss Man : And so, the little boy will take his discovery home and perhaps donate it to science... mwell a little later. Back to you, Dave.
Tom the News Reader : Thanks, Tom. Those are some cute, cute kids, except for that last one-he's a little tubby.
Eric Cartman : [popping up before the camera] Eeyy!