South Park (TV Series)

Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo (1997)

Matt Stone: Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Priest Maxi, Jimbo Kern, Gerald Broflovski, Removal Man, Man in Audience #2, Man in Audience #3, Jesus

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cartman : [singing]  Well, Kyle's mom's a bitch she's a big fat bitch. She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide. She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch. She's a bitch to all the boys and girls.

  Kyle : Shut up Cartman

  Mr. Hankey : Hideho!

  Kyle : Mr Hankey.

  Cartman : Yes Kyle's mom's a bitch she's a big fat bitch.

  Mr. Hankey : Golly that isn't very nice. I sure would like to teach him lesson.

  Cartman : Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world she's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, she's a stupid bitch. Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a stupid dirty bitch. Kyle's mom is a bitch.

• [Kyle tries to catch a snowflake on his tongue] 

  Cartman : Hey! What the hell are you doing? Jewish people can't eat Christmas snow.

  Kyle : We can too!

  Stan : No, I think it's against the law, dude.

  Kyle : Officer Barbrady!

  Officer Barbrady : [while stopping a car]  What?

  Kyle : Is it illegal for Jews to eat Christmas snow?

  Officer Barbrady : Yes.

  Kyle : Dammit!

• Kyle : [singing]  It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas My Friends won't let me join in any games... And I can't sing Christmas songs Or decorate a Christmas tree... Or leave water out for Rudolph 'cause there's something wrong with me... My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity... I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew... on Christmas.

• Mayor McDaniels : Okay, just what the heck is going on here, people?

  Citizen : Mayor, we are deeply offended by the nativity scene in front of the state office. Church and state are separate!

  Crowd : Yeah!

  Sheila Broflovski : That isn't all, Mayor. The school play is doing a nativity scene. It isn't being sensitive to the Jewish community.

  Mr. Garrison : You ARE the Jewish community!

  Cartman : Oh boy. Super bitch is at it again!

  Kyle : Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!

  Father Maxey : Mayor, the nativity is what Christmas is about. If you remove Christ, you must remove Santa and Frosty and all that garbage too!

  Crowd : Hallelujah! Amen!

  Tree Lover : And we must put a stop to the cutting down of Christmas trees!

  Crowd : Yeah!

  Jimbo Kern : And I am sick and tired of those little flaps on coffee lids. If you don't want to spill your coffee, then you shouldn't be driving with it!

  [pause] 

  Crowd : Yeah!

• Stan : [Kyle arrives at the bus stop with a box]  What's in the box dude?

  Kyle : It's a surprise

  Cartman : Let me see!

  Kyle : Oh okay but don't scare him

  [opens the box to reveal Mr. Hankey as an inanimate turd] 

  Stan : Dude, sick!

  Cartman : Is this some kind of Jewish tradition?

  Kenny : [muffled]  That is the sickest think I have ever fucking seen!

  Kyle : Wait you guys he's alive!

  [shakes box to no avail] 

  Stan : Kyle I think you'd better get home and get some sleep

  Kyle : [shakes box harder]  Come on dance, dance!, dance damn you!