South Park (TV Series)

Proper Condom Use (2001)

Nico Agnone: Filmore Anderson, Craig

Quotes 

• [Mr. Garrison has to teach sexual education in Kindergarten] 

  Mr. Herbert Garrison : Okay children, who can tell me what a condom is?

  [silence, one girl raises hand] 

  Mr. Herbert Garrison : Yes, Jenny?

  Jenny : It fwies awound and it's endangewed.

  Mr. Herbert Garrison : That's a *condor*, Jenny! Condor. *Condoms* are what we use to stop the spread of STDs.

  [Fillmore raises hand] 

  Mr. Herbert Garrison : Yes, Fillmore?

  Filmore Anderson : Can we do fingerpaints?

  Mr. Herbert Garrison : [angrily]  No, we can't do fingerpaints! You kids wanna get herpes, huh? How 'bout a nice bucket of AIDS? Sound good? Now pay attention, all right? I'm going show you the proper way to put on a condom.

  [puts a wooden phallus on table] 

  Mr. Herbert Garrison : First of all, you remove the condom from its package. Then you find which way the condom rolls out. Put it in your mouth

  [puts consom in mouth, and starts to speak muffled] 

  Mr. Herbert Garrison : and apply.

  [off screen, Garrison puts the condom over the wooden penis by act of fellatio; the kids look baffled; one starts crying] 

  Mr. Herbert Garrison : And it's as simple as that. Any questions?