- Eric Cartman: And now here with the celebrity watch is Butters Stotch. Butters, seen any celebrities?
- Butters: N-no, not yet. I've been standing out in front of the school for about two hours now and I haven't seen any celebrities. About 30 minutes ago I thought I saw Sigourney Weaver, but it turned out to be a dead horse.
- Jimmy Valmer: [the boys suggest making news up to improve their show's ratings] Fellas, are you sure all of this is e-ethical?
- Eric Cartman: We're in 4th grade Jimmy. We don't even know what ethical means.
- Stan Marsh: You guys, we watched Craig show all night long.
- Token Williams: Yeah, it was great.
- Stan Marsh: Yeah, but don't you see? We didn't think it was great before. I think I understand now. I think I know why Craig show gets such great ratings: half the school is high on cough medicines.
- Jimmy Valmer: Look, fellas, I've got a real problem with the direction our news show is going. We're dumbing down the school!
- Stan Marsh: No, Jimmy, the school is already dumb. We're just giving them what they want.
- Pharmacist: Can I help you boys?
- Stan Marsh: Uh, yeah, we need to come up with some ideas and inspiration, so we're gonna drink a bunch of cough medicine.
- Pharmacist: Whoa, boys! That's not what you need to come up with ideas.
- Kyle Broflovski: It's not?
- Pharmacist: No, What you want is Colminex PM. It has the dexatrimphan in it that causes hallucinations in large doses.
- Mr. Meryl: You need to know how important ratings are, Craig, so I'm going to suspend you from school and request that you have your testicles removed surgically.
- Eric Cartman: Parent-teacher conferences will be held this Wednesday night from seven to nine. So kids, get a lot of playing in before you get grounded.