South Park (TV Series)
Summer Sucks (1998)
Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mr. Garrison, Man with Saw, Steve, Officer Barbrady, Ned Gerblanski, Charlie, Ted, Tom the News Reader, Creamy Goodness, Border Guard, Man in Crowd #1, Man in Crowd #2, Mormon #1, Mormon #3, Man in Sauna, Tom the News Reporter, Johnson, Man in Crowd #5
Quotes
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Mr.Garrison : Hello?
Mr. Mackey : Hello, is Mr. Hat there?
Mr.Garrison : Is this some kind of joke?
Mr. Mackey : Umm, yes.
Mr.Garrison : You go to Hell! You go to Hell and you die! I'm going to find out who you are.
Mr. Mackey : Umm, I don't think you can, m'kay?
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[At a psychiatrist's office. Mr. Garrison's hand puppet, Mr. Hat, is missing]
Mr.Garrison : At first I was sure one of the children took him. But then I remembered Mr. Hat and I actually had a fight that morning.
Dr. Katz : Um... are you gay?
Mr.Garrison : WHAT?
Dr. Katz : It's just a question.
Mr.Garrison : ARE YOU PROPOSITIONING ME?
Dr. Katz : No.
Mr.Garrison : WELL, I CAN TELL YOU THAT I AM ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT NOT GAY.
Dr. Katz : Well, I believe you. I absolutely believe you.
Mr.Garrison : Mr. Hat, on the other hand...
Dr. Katz : Mr. Hat was gay?
Mr.Garrison : Sometimes he fantasizes about things of sexual natures.
Dr. Katz : I see.
Mr.Garrison : Sometimes Mr. Hat liked to pretend he was in a sauna with Brett Favre and a bottle of Thousand Island Dressing.
Dr. Katz : That I did not need to know.
Mr.Garrison : Well, I'm just saying.
Dr. Katz : Mr. Garrison, I think Mr. Hat was actually your gay side trying to come out. You see, it is YOU who is gay. But, you're in denial, so you act out your gay persona with a homosexual puppet.
[long pause]
Dr. Katz : What do you think about that?
Mr.Garrison : I THINK YOU'RE THE LOONY ONE IN THIS ROOM.
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Swimming Instructor : Just do your sidestroke.
Eric Cartman : I only know how to do a doggy style.
Swimming Instructor : That's doggy paddle, Eric.
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Officer Barbrady : I'm sorry, mayor. I couldn't find the little man in the boat.
Mayor McDaniels : Well, keep looking!
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Stan Marsh : How are your swimming lessons going Cartman?
Eric Cartman : Fine.
Kyle Broflovski : I heard you won't even get in the deep end?
Eric Cartman : Well you heard wrong, hippie!
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Border Patrolman : Good evening, gentlemen.
Jimbo Kern : Hello there, fellow American. We're just anxious to get back to our homeland.
Border Patrolman : All right, I just need to ask you a few questions.
Jimbo Kern : Fire away. We have nothing to hide.
Border Patrolman : Is anyone other than the two of you traveling in this vehicle?
Jimbo Kern : No sir.
Border Patrolman : Do you have any firearms or explosives in the car?
Jimbo Kern : Yes. I mean no! No.
Border Patrolman : Open your trunk please, sir.
Jimbo Kern : Damn! Damn, I always get that question wrong!
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Mr.Garrison : Okay, children. Now I know this is the last day of school, and that the last day of school involves pranks, but this has gone too far! What have you done with Mr. Hat?
[No answer]
Mr.Garrison : Children, I want Mr. Hat back right now! The prank is over!
[He pounds his fist on his desk in anger]
Mr.Garrison : You think I can't get along without Mr. Hat, don't you? You think I can't live without him? Well, I can! He's just a puppet. I don't need him. You see? Watch.
[Mr. Garrison stares at the clock uneasily, begins sweating, and stares at the clock again. He snaps]
Mr.Garrison : Goddamn it, where the fuck did you put Mr. Hat?
