- Customer #1: [Patrick is taking the phone calls at Krusty Krabs and the phone rings] Is this the Krusty Krab?
- Patrick: No, this is Patrick.
- [hangs up]
- Customer #2: [phone rings again] Is this the Krusty Krab?
- Patrick: [angry] No, this is Patrick.
- [hangs up]
- Customer #3: [phone rings again] Is this the Krusty Krab?
- Patrick: [shouts] NO! This is Patrick!
- [hangs up]
- Patrick: [to himself and folds arms] I'm not a Krusty Krab.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, Patrick, that's the name of the restaurant.
- Patrick: Huh? Ah, fish paste!
- Francis: He kept us waiting for a bubble?
- Larry the Lobster: That's nothing! He called us fat!
- Pearl Krabs: [crying] He washed my flipper.
- Mr. Krabs: He owes me money!
- Squidward Tentacles: He made me provide excellent service.
- Scooter: [appears with a halo and angel clothing on] Dudes, he made me experience high tide.
- [floats up towards the surface while laughing]
- Tom: He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!
- Protesters: He did?
- Tom: No, but are we just gonna wait around until he does?
- Fish: [to Patrick] Hey, pal, You just blow in from Stupid Town?
- Patrick Star: Boy, it was sure nice of Mr. Krabs to give me a job.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: And at $50 an hour, too. When I started working here, I had to pay Mr. Krabs $100 an hour.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Bubble Buddy's thirsty.
- Squidward Tentacles: How about a glass of our finest shampoo?
- [laughs]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Sounds great.
- [Squidward stops laughing and goes to get the shampoo]
- Squidward Tentacles: Here's your hair product, sir.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Bubble Buddy likes bendy straws.
- [Squidward bends the straw with repressed rage]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Huh, what's that? Bubble Buddy says it tastes funny. What do you think?
- Squidward Tentacles: Mr. Krabs!
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [chews the food for an elderly custormer] Think of the customer.
- Squidward Tentacles: [Tastes shampoo] Oh, silly me. I brought the diet shampoo.
- SpongeBob: [waiting on Bubble Buddy in the bathroom] It's his first time on his own.
- Fish: [sarcastic] Congratulations.
- Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, guess what? I got an award!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: That's great, Patrick. What's it for?
- Patrick: See for yourself.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [reading the award] For outstanding achievement in achievement. SpongeBob Squarepants?
- Patrick: Spongebob Squarepants? That's a funny way to spell my name.
- Narrator: Every day is a holiday for SpongeBob, even if he has to make one up.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [gets out of bed wearing a viking helmet and braided beard] Hey, everybody! It's Leif Ericsson Day! Hinga-dinga-dergen!
- Patrick: I wanna defeat the giant monkey man and save the ninth dimension.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Me too. But that sounds a little too hard. Let's try smaller.
- Patrick: I wanna defeat the little monkey man and save the eighth dimension.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: But you're Patrick *Star*. You could do anything you want!
- Patrick: That's easy for you to say. You're Sponge*Bob*.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, I think that award is for me. You must have got it by mistake.
- Patrick: [tearing up] But it's shiny.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah... But, you know what else is shiny?
- Patrick: Ice cream!
- SpongeBob Squarepants: [points at Patrick] You're copying me!
- Patrick: [imitates SpongeBob and points back] Yes.
- Squidward Tentacles: He's an inanimate object. His money's no good here.
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [Comes out of the cash register] What are you saying, Mr. Squidward? Everyone's money is good here.
- [Cut to an escaped convict eating a Krabbby Patty]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: At the Krusty Krab, we serves all kinds.
- Squidward Tentacles: Mr. Krabs, I'm not taking an order for a bubble!
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Sure you are, or I'll fill your life with misery and woe.
- [Goes back inside the register, then pops out again]
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Even if you quit.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [tearfully after Bubble Buddy leaves] Seems like only this morning I held his bottle. They blow up so fast.
- Squidward Tentacles: [passive-aggressively] Here, one of everything! No cheese, no crust, pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce, and farm-raised tomatoes carnival-style!
- [He sets a miniature ferris wheel with miniature patties on the table]
- Squidward Tentacles: And if there's anything else I can do, please hesitate to ask.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [inspecting Bubble Buddy's patty] Oh, no, Squidward! Wait! There's cheese on these patties!
- Squidward Tentacles: And?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Bubble Buddy's lactose intolerant!
- [Squidward furrows his brow in bewilderment. The little wheels turn in his head as he tries to comprehend how he's just heard something that stupid]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: He can't eat cheese! What should we do?
- Squidward Tentacles: We? How about you take these patties and sh...
- Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Mr. Squidward!
- [Squidward sullenly walks off with the patties to make a fresh batch]
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: [They both whistle somewhat out of sync then rub their foreheads] Phew.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [accidentally dropping his spatula] Hahaha. Dropped my spatula.
- Patrick: [dropping his spatula on purpose] Uh, me too.
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: [Everything SpongeBob does, Patrick copies: crouching down to pick up his spatula; getting back up; taking off his hat; putting his hat back on; and... Putting his hand on the hot grill top]
- Patrick: OOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [SpongeBob reveals he put a FAKE hand on the grill] A-HA! YOU'RE COPYING ME!
- Patrick: Yes.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Why are you doing that?
- Patrick: So I can earn as many awards as you.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, it's annoying, so stop it!
- Patrick: Stop it.
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: [Both give looks of surprise, and make an angry face]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Say, you're good.
- Patrick: Thanks.
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: [out of sync] HA! Darn!
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: [rubbing their chins]
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: [Slowly and out of sync] Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as... PUCKLED FISH LIPS!
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: [Both cover their mouths] Seaweavil.
- [Covering their mouths again]
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: Yorgischmorgies.
- [Again]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [thinking] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
- Patrick: [thinking?] At least I'm safe inside my mind.
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: [They both SCREAM! SpongeBob can't take it anymore.]