Squidbillies (TV Series)

Take This Job and Love It (2005)

Unknown Hinson: Early Cuyler

Quotes 

• Earlie Cuyler : Where do I see myself in five beers?

  Sheriff : Years.

  Earlie Cuyler : Uhh, I don't know. Jail?

• Earlie Cuyler : What time is it?

  Lil : 'Bout 2:30.

  Earlie Cuyler : What the? Damn, I'm two days and six hours late for work.

• Earlie Cuyler : I do appreciate the generous offer, but knife here is the tool of the idiot. I listen to my gut and my gut tells me this ain't a fit, but my heart says this could work, and gut's a damn moron. So they get to carryin' on and then my brain chimes in saying I got to try my hand at the fast sex paced world of adult literature.

  Sheriff : Hey Early, this here's a four-figure opportunity. You sure you don't want to sleep on it?

  Earlie Cuyler : You wanna sleep forever? I said Adult Literature!

• Dan Halen : I think what most impresses me, Earlie, is the effort and detail which you've clearly shown in urinating on my laptop.

  Earlie Cuyler : I don't care to consort with those of the robot race.

  Dan Halen : ...and why would you? I think that about covers it. Earlie, welcome to Dan Halen Sheetrock, International.

• Dan Halen : So, under experience, you've listed here on your hat-shaped resume that you can skin a buck, run a trout line and that all your rowdy friends...

  Earlie Cuyler : ...are comin' over tonight, y'sir.

  Dan Halen : Earlie, you're the most inpressive squid I've interviewed for this position. Let's talk briefly about your work ethic.

  Earlie Cuyler : Well, I don't think ethnics do no work. I mean, that's they problem, really. If you ain't like me, go hang from a damn tree.

  Dan Halen : Overt racial prejudice... impressive, Earlie.

  Earlie Cuyler : I thank you, kindly.