- Earlie Cuyler: Where do I see myself in five beers?
- Sheriff: Years.
- Earlie Cuyler: Uhh, I don't know. Jail?
- Earlie Cuyler: What time is it?
- Lil: 'Bout 2:30.
- Earlie Cuyler: What the? Damn, I'm two days and six hours late for work.
- Earlie Cuyler: I do appreciate the generous offer, but knife here is the tool of the idiot. I listen to my gut and my gut tells me this ain't a fit, but my heart says this could work, and gut's a damn moron. So they get to carryin' on and then my brain chimes in saying I got to try my hand at the fast sex paced world of adult literature.
- Sheriff: Hey Early, this here's a four-figure opportunity. You sure you don't want to sleep on it?
- Earlie Cuyler: You wanna sleep forever? I said Adult Literature!
- Dan Halen: I think what most impresses me, Earlie, is the effort and detail which you've clearly shown in urinating on my laptop.
- Earlie Cuyler: I don't care to consort with those of the robot race.
- Dan Halen: ...and why would you? I think that about covers it. Earlie, welcome to Dan Halen Sheetrock, International.
- Dan Halen: So, under experience, you've listed here on your hat-shaped resume that you can skin a buck, run a trout line and that all your rowdy friends...
- Earlie Cuyler: ...are comin' over tonight, y'sir.
- Dan Halen: Earlie, you're the most inpressive squid I've interviewed for this position. Let's talk briefly about your work ethic.
- Earlie Cuyler: Well, I don't think ethnics do no work. I mean, that's they problem, really. If you ain't like me, go hang from a damn tree.
- Dan Halen: Overt racial prejudice... impressive, Earlie.
- Earlie Cuyler: I thank you, kindly.