Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (TV Series)

Looking for Par'Mach in All the Wrong Places (1996)

Armin Shimerman: Quark

Photos 

Quotes 

• Quark : War - what is it good for? If you ask me, absolutely nothing.

• Doctor Bashir : [running a medical scanner over Quark]  A compound fracture of the right radius, 2 fractured ribs, torn ligaments, strained tendons, numerous contusions, bruises, and scratches. What have you been doing?

  Quark : You mean,

  [trades a Look with Grilka] 

  Quark : what have *we* been doing?

  Doctor Bashir : [realization dawning]  Never mind. I don't need that particular image running around in my head. I'll just treat you.

  Doctor Bashir : [the door opens, and a battered Dax and Worf enter]  What happened to you two?

  Lt. Commander Worf : We, um...

  [looks to Dax] 

  Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax : Well, um... if you must know...

  Doctor Bashir : No! No, I don't need that image, either. In fact, I'm going to stop asking that question altogether! People can come in, I will treat them, and that's all!

• Quark : Maparian ale with just a hint of pazafer, as I recall.

  Grilka : You remember. I'm honored.

  Quark : How could I forget? You're the only Klingon I know who drinks something besides bloodwine - or prune juice.

  Grilka : Prune juice?

  Quark : Forget it.

• Grilka : Why do you pursue me?

  Quark : I only pursue those things I wish to acquire.

  Grilka : "Acquire"? Now you sound like a Ferengi again.

  Quark : I *am* a Ferengi. That means I have a talent for appreciating objects of great value. And I believe... you may be worth more than all the latinum in the quadrant.

  Grilka : My Kahless.

  Quark : My Lukara.

• Quark : Her bodyguard was giving me threatening looks all night.

  Lt. Commander Worf : That is to be expected. The idea of a Ferengi courting a great lady is... offensive.

  Quark : You know, it's attitudes like that that keep you people from getting invited to all the really good parties.

• Quark : So, what does a Klingon woman expect from a man? Are there any secret Klingon phrases I should know or do we just leap on each other like a pair of crazed voles?

• [Worf elaborates how to properly court Grilka] 

  Quark : Then what?

  Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax : Well, either she accepts your offer... or she has her bodyguard shatter every bone in your body.

  Quark : Sounds reasonable.

• Quark : This is ridiculous! I'm surrounded by corpses, my shoes are dripping in blood, and you want me to feel romantic?

• Quark : I'm telling you, Worf, she responded perfectly. You really have the key to this woman's heart. The question is, can you help me unlock it?

• [Thopok has challenged Quark to a fight to the death] 

  Quark : So my choices are to not show up, be branded a coward and lose Grilka, or die?

  Lt. Commander Worf : Yes.

  Quark : Oh, come on now, there must be another way out of this! You people have rituals for everything except waste extraction. You must have a ceremony or a secret handshake or something I can do?

• Doctor Bashir : [Dr. Bashir is examining a wounded Quark in the infirmary. Quark is gingerly clutching his right arm in a sling]  A compound fracture of the right radius, 2 fractured ribs, torn ligaments, strained tendons, numerous contusions, bruises, and scratches. What have you been doing?

  Quark : You mean...

  [Quark exchanges a provocutive look with Grilka, who is revealed to be standing by him] 

  Quark : ...What have *We* been doing?

  Quark , Grilka : [Quark and Grilka laugh raunchily. Dr. Bashir looks a little disturbed] 

  Doctor Bashir : [awkwardly]  Uh huh... I see. I don't need that particular image in my head. I'll just treat you.