Star Trek: The Next Generation (TV Series)
The Outrageous Okona (1988)
Brent Spiner: Lieutenant Commander Data
Photos
Quotes
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Guinan : Look, it's just you and I here. We're talking, we're having an intimate conversation. Why? Because you're a 'droid and I'm a 'noid.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : But why?
Guinan : Because that's what I am.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Have I said something to offend you?
Guinan : No.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Then why are you annoyed?
Guinan : [slowly] Because you're a *'droid* and I'm a *'noid*.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Humanoid.
Guinan : Yes.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : You told a joke.
Guinan : Yes!
Lt. Cmdr. Data : I am not laughing.
Guinan : Yes!
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The Comic : You, pal, are a tough room.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : "Tough room"?
[accesses his data bank]
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Ah! A colloquialism, meaning a severe, rigid, close-minded audience. I understand. I will attempt to be an easy room.
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Lt. Cmdr. Data : I come from a town so small, we had a fraction for a zip-code. -... - It was so small, in fact, we didn't have a godfather of crime, we had a nephew.
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Wesley Crusher : Say goodbye, Data.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Goodbye, Data.
[crew laughs]
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Was that funny?
Wesley Crusher : [laughs]
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Accessing. Ah! Burns and Allen, Roxy Theater, New York City, 1932. It still works.
[pauses]
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Then there was the one about the girl in the nudist colony, that nothing looked good on?
Lieutenant Worf : We're ready to get under way, sir.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Take my Worf, please.
Commander William T. Riker : [to Captain Picard] Warp speed, sir?
Captain Jean-Luc Picard : Please.
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[Data is attempting to tell a joke]
Lt. Cmdr. Data : A monk, a clone and a Ferengi decided to go bowling together...
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Guinan : [explaining to Data why his joke was not funny] Data... you spoiled the joke. But it could have been your timing.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : My timing is digital.
[Guinan laughs softly]
Lt. Cmdr. Data : What?
Guinan : That's funny.
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Lt. Cmdr. Data : Take my Worf. Please.
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Capt. Thadiun Okona : Have you ever been cold?
Lt. Cmdr. Data : No.
Capt. Thadiun Okona : Warm, then?
Lt. Cmdr. Data : No.
Capt. Thadiun Okona : What about drunk? Ever do that?
Lt. Cmdr. Data : From alcohol? That is not possible for me, sir.
Capt. Thadiun Okona : Pity. What about love?
Lt. Cmdr. Data : The act or the emotion?
Capt. Thadiun Okona : They're both the same.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : I believe that statement to be inaccurate, sir.
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Capt. Thadiun Okona : Now, that's sex appeal!
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Sexual attraction in this context is not a part of my programming. I am an android.
Capt. Thadiun Okona : Well, then, have you seen any good-looking computers lately?
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[Data is acting as a comedian in front of a holo-audience]
Lt. Cmdr. Data : Good evening, ladies and germs.
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The Comic : Tell me, Data, what happened?
Lt. Cmdr. Data : I told a joke.
The Comic : And?
Lt. Cmdr. Data : No one laughed.
The Comic : No one? Nobody in the whole room?
Guinan : I was the whole room.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : She said I spoiled the joke.
Guinan : Actually, 'killed' would have been a better word.
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Guinan : Being able to make people laugh or being able to laugh is not the end-all and be-all of being human.
Lt. Cmdr. Data : No. But there is nothing more... uniquely human.
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Lt. Cmdr. Data : Then, there was the one about the girl in the nudist colony, that nothing looked good on.
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Lt. Cmdr. Data : I simply want to know what is funny. I want to be able to involve myself in other people's laughter. I wish to join in.