- Zack Martin: [to Cody] These safety rules were made for your own protection.
- Cody Martin: Oh, yeah? And who came up with them?
- Bob: Nine-finger Nick.
- London: [to Maddie] I don't know if you know this, but I'm not exactly what you call "smart."
- Maddie: Okay, okay. I won't say anything as long as the next "A" is one you get on your own.
- London: Deal. And you promise not to tell?
- Maddie: Yes, I promise I won't tell, or may the evil Fitzpatrick leprechaun steal me away in the night.
- London: You actually believe in evil leprechauns?
- Maddie: Not all of them are nice, you know.
- Zack Martin: [to Carey about his woodshop project] I got an "A."
- Carey Martin: Oh, honey. That's great!
- Cody Martin: I got a "C".
- Carey Martin: Oh, honey. It's okay. I'll make you cookies.
- Zack Martin: How come you never bake me cookies when I get a "C"?
- Carey Martin: Honey, there's not enough dough in the world.
- Mr. Woodburn: Remember, this counts towards one third of your final grade.
- Cody Martin: [shrieks]
- Zack Martin: Would you relax? You're gonna do fine.
- Bob: No, he won't. He's hopeless.
- Zack Martin: Not helping!
- Bob: Not lying!
- Maddie: [after being punished for something London did] That is cruel and unusual punishment.
- Sister Dominick: No, dear. Reading your Svetlana story was. "Gently froze to death." Give me a break!
- Carey Martin: Well, the best part is I've got this clock and this wonderful wheelbarrow.
- Cody Martin: It's a birdhouse!
- Carey Martin: That's what I said.
- Carey Martin: [to Cody] Oh, honey. It must be hard for you to get a "C."
- Cody Martin: You know, Mom. I think I'll be okay.
- Carey Martin: You are?
- Cody Martin: Yeah, I mean the sky didn't fall, the world didn't stop spinning and I learned that I could take woodshop pass/fail.
- Carey Martin: Cody, how was your new math class?
- Zack Martin: You mean advanced calculus, covering functions, limits, conversions, sequences and multi-variables?
- Carey Martin: Yeah, that one.
- Cody Martin: They cancelled it. I was the only who showed up.
- Zack Martin: I heard about that even the teacher didn't show up.
- Carey Martin: Oh, hey, guys. How's the first day of the new semester?
- Zack Martin: Woodshop is going great. Mr. Woodburn loves me. He's letting me work with mahogany.
- Carey Martin: Excuse me, did you just say a teacher loves you?
- Zack Martin: Yeah, I know. Threw me for a loop, too.
- Maddie: [to Sister Dominick] Sister, I think London has something to tell you about her book.
- Sister Dominick: You do? What is it, London?
- London: Well, Sister Dominick, you should know...
- Sister Dominick: Yes?
- London: When they make my book into a movie, I want Britney Spears to play me.
- Sister Dominick: Oh, I love her! She's such a talented actress.