Stacy Keach: Ken Titus

Quotes 

• Ken Titus : [Titus has tricked hospital staffers into shaving Ken's groin]  I look like a nine year old boy.

• Juanita Titus : [screaming off camera]  You ruined my life you bastard!

  Ken Titus : [to baby Christopher]  Welcome to the world Christopher! Thanks to you, I have to marry that psycho. Yes I do! Your mommy has four distinct personalities, yes she does! Ahh coochy coochy coochy coochy...

• Christopher Titus : Hey, Dad. Can I get you something?

  Ken Titus : See if you can trade yourself in for a Korean kid.

  Christopher Titus : [noticing the nurse is Asian]  Dad?

  Ken Titus : I'll name him Ho-John Titus.

  Christopher Titus : Dad?

  Ken Titus : Ho-John wouldn't steal my distributor! And I could probably pick him up for a pack of cigarettes.

  Christopher Titus : [indicating the nurse]  Why don't you ask if she can help?

  Ken Titus : [to the nurse]  You know where I can get a Korean boy?

  Christopher Titus : Dad!

  Nurse Patty : Excuse me?

  Ken Titus : Well, I mean you people know how to work hard and you respect your parents. Don't you, baby?

  Nurse Patty : Uh, I'm Japanese, and I'm from Fresno, "baby."

  Ken Titus : How come you're not designing computers?

  Nurse Patty : [sarcastically]  Because then I wouldn't get to meet nice white devils like you.

• Erin Fitzpatrick : [seeing Titus and Dave clipping Ken's toenails]  Sorry to pull you away from... whatever that is, but there is a police officer waiting to talk to Papa Titus about the accident.

  Ken Titus : What? The police want to give me a ticket for having a heart attack?