Titus (TV Series)

Bachelor Party (2002)

Stacy Keach: Ken Titus

Quotes 

• Ken Titus : Let's get rolling. Those strippers aren't going to get demoralized all by themselves.

• Ken Titus : Come on, let's go! I'm out of booze and sober is nipping at my heels!

  Nicky : Oh, boo hoo! I've got a watermelon nipping at my crotch!

  Ken Titus : Now I'm hungry. Can I get a fruit plate?

• Dave Scouvel : I can now pump my own stomach.

  [Ken stares at Dave] 

  Ken Titus : So *that's* why our vacuum smells like tacos!

• [Tommy is delivering a baby after everybody refuses to do so] 

  Tommy Shafter : Oh yeah, you can all talk, but when push comes to shove, who's the man, huh?

  [He looks at the woman, and passes out. His head falls on the woman's thighs. Everybody stares] 

  Ken Titus : Tommy's head in a woman's crotch. I never thought I'd see that.

  Christopher Titus : Yeah, he's right. Dave, take a picture.

  [Later, when Tommy comes around...] 

  Tommy Shafter : [groggy]  Hey Titus, I had the strangest dream... I dreamt I was stuffing a turkey and I passed out with my hands inside it...

• Ken Titus : Men don't belong at births. That's why hospitals need bars.