Titus (TV Series)

Bachelor Party (2002)

Christopher Titus: Christopher Titus

Quotes 

• [Tommy is delivering a baby after everybody refuses to do so] 

  Tommy Shafter : Oh yeah, you can all talk, but when push comes to shove, who's the man, huh?

  [He looks at the woman, and passes out. His head falls on the woman's thighs. Everybody stares] 

  Ken Titus : Tommy's head in a woman's crotch. I never thought I'd see that.

  Christopher Titus : Yeah, he's right. Dave, take a picture.

  [Later, when Tommy comes around...] 

  Tommy Shafter : [groggy]  Hey Titus, I had the strangest dream... I dreamt I was stuffing a turkey and I passed out with my hands inside it...

• Christopher Titus : Dad, I'm not going to Vegas. I have a great woman at home who takes her clothes off.

  Dave Titus : You have a stripper at home?

  Christopher Titus : *Erin*!

  Dave Titus : Well, when I get to your house...

  [He removes some dollars and gives them to Titus] 

  Dave Titus : ...I want a good seat, my man!

  Christopher Titus : Do you WANT me to kill you?

  Dave Titus : Well, no.

  Christopher Titus : THEN GET IN THE CAR!

• [two neighbors who can help the situation don't get along] 

  Christopher Titus : Is everybody here missing a chromosome?

  Nicky : Hey, I live here. And anybody with a forehead that big shouldn't be making chromosome jokes.

  [Titus frowns and feels his forehead]