Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats (2004)
Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Prajneep : [in the ER exam room] Maybe you'd prefer to wait outside.
Charlie Harper : I'd prefer a morphine drip and a sponge bath, but the kid needs me.
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Charlie Harper : [wants custody of Jake if something happens to Judith and Alan] All right, Alan, let me ask you something: if I'm here, and Jake's in Rhode Island, who's gonna teach him all the things he needs to know?
Alan : Jerry and Faye are both college professors.
Charlie Harper : I'm talking about the important stuff. About life. Face it. When the time comes, are those two *eggheads* gonna step up and get your kid laid?
Alan : You're not helping your case, Charlie.
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Charlie Harper : [filling out a form for Jake in the ER] All right, let's see: Last name, Harper. First name, Jake... ob?
Jake Harper : Mmm-hmm.
Charlie Harper : Jacob. I knew that. Middle name?
Jake Harper : You don't know?
Charlie Harper : Of course, I know. I want to see if you know. You fell on your head, dude.
Jake Harper : David.
Charlie Harper : Wow, Jacob David. They went full Old Testament on you, didn't they?