WKRP in Cincinnati (TV Series)
Bailey's Show (1978)
Jan Smithers: Bailey Quarters
Photos
Quotes
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Jennifer Marlowe : Bailey, women who want to be broadcast producers do not cry in public.
Bailey Quarters : Then I'll cry in my car on the way home.
Jennifer Marlowe : That's the way men do it.
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Andy Travis : Bailey!
Bailey Quarters : Yes?
Andy Travis : How about you. You got an idea?
Bailey Quarters : [standing up and clearing her throat] Yes, Andy, I do. My idea is to do a fifteen-minute talk show once a week called Cincinnati Beat.
Herb Tarlek : [sarcastically in a sing-song tone] Boring!
Bailey Quarters : [sincerely] What would make this show fresh and different is that we would talk to the average citizen who might not otherwise have a voice to the public.
Les Nessman : [to Andy] It's been done!
Bailey Quarters : It would also be an unusual show because... Johnny would be doing the interviews.
Herb Tarlek : [emphatically] That's nuts!
Bailey Quarters : And... and I would produce it.
Andy Travis : I beg your pardon?
Bailey Quarters : I... I would produce it.
Andy Travis : A little louder, Bailey!
Bailey Quarters : [with all her might] I said I would produce it!
Herb Tarlek : But you're just a rookie, Bailey.
Les Nessman : Andy, this isn't the Ohio State Journalism School. *This* is the big time.
Andy Travis : Bailey!
Bailey Quarters : [timidly] Yes?
Andy Travis : I like it. Go talk to Johnny, all right?
Bailey Quarters : Okay.
Andy Travis : Okay.
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Venus Flytrap : I think I'll split.
Bailey Quarters : Okay.
Mrs. Woodruff : You see, my Hatchback Supreme broke down on a deserted stretch of highway. Now that's when I saw the incredibly bright light in a field and felt myself compelled to walk toward it.
Venus Flytrap : [smiling] I think I'll stay.
Mrs. Woodruff : Before I knew it, I was surrounded by a group of strange people in gold lamé suits.
Venus Flytrap : That would either be The Temptations or The Four Tops.
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Mrs. Woodruff : Well, anyhow, to make a long *internationally copyrighted* story short, I was beamed aboard their spaceship, what they call a "get-gone", and transported to Ha-cha-cha Number Three. That's what you people call Mars.
Venus Flytrap : Did this place have heavy metal screens on the windows?
Mrs. Woodruff : Yes!
Venus Flytrap : Lucky guess.
Mrs. Woodruff : Well, anyhow, I was held on Number Three for, ooh, about two or three weeks, before I gained the confidence of Ernst, the divisional commander. I guess it was just a matter of knowing the right people, because Ernst got me transferred to the Caves of Grin. Which was minimum security. Still is, I guess.
Bailey Quarters : That was lucky.
Mrs. Woodruff : Oh, yes! Mm-hmm. Anyhow, one day I'm just sitting around, minding my own business, when a Drell comes up, who's obviously had one too many wowies. Well, I got his joy-stopper away from him, and shot him twice, right through the gnorl. Then I made my way back to Cincinnati.
Bailey Quarters : But you're okay now.
Mrs. Woodruff : Oh, yes. Except they're still after me. Uh, Ernst wants our son back. I can't really blame him.
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Bailey Quarters : [popping into broadcasting booth] Hi, Venus!
Venus Flytrap : [ideas for the night spoiled] Bailey! What - what are you doing here? Everybody's gone.
Bailey Quarters : Mm, working on a special project.
[sits down happily]
Bailey Quarters : Andy wants to do a public service program.
Venus Flytrap : Uh-huh.
Bailey Quarters : And he's asked anybody for ideas, even me.
Venus Flytrap : Hey, that's great!
[peers nervously at the door]
Bailey Quarters : Our meeting is tomorrow morning.
Venus Flytrap : Oh, wow...
[can't wait for this girl to just leave]
Bailey Quarters : And I've come up with an idea that I really like.
Venus Flytrap : I like it too!
Bailey Quarters : You do?
Venus Flytrap : Yeah, I think it's perfect. Way to go, Bailey!
Bailey Quarters : But - but, you haven't heard it.
Venus Flytrap : Don't need to!
[runs to the door to see if the coast is clear, then jumps back]
Venus Flytrap : Why don't you just mosey on home and just rest up for tomorrow, huh?
Bailey Quarters : Yeah, you're right.
Venus Flytrap : Yeah.
Bailey Quarters : Boy, this really means a lot to me, Venus.
Roxanne : [and the reason for Venus' anxiety appears, a young woman carrying drinks] Here's that coconut hurricane, Venus, sugar!
[notices Bailey]
Roxanne : Hi!
Bailey Quarters : Hi!
Venus Flytrap : Yeah! Bailey, this is... *Mrs. Olson!* Yeah! She's a friend of my mother's.
[a real likely story!]
Roxanne : What?
Venus Flytrap : This is Bailey. She works here, but she's got to go home now.
Bailey Quarters : Bye. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Olson.
[Roxanne waves her off petulantly]
Venus Flytrap : Good luck, Bailey, on the meeting tomorrow. Goodnight!
Bailey Quarters : Bye.
Venus Flytrap : Yeah.
Roxanne : Uh, who was *that?*
Venus Flytrap : I told you, Roxanne, honey, she works here.
Roxanne : Uh-huh. And who is Mrs. Olson?
Venus Flytrap : Nobody. I'm not supposed to have a guest in the control room.
Roxanne : Well, I thought you told me you owned this radio station.
Venus Flytrap : I do.
Roxanne : Guh!
Venus Flytrap : What's the matter, baby?
Roxanne : *You* can go get your *own* coconut hurricane from now on.
[is on her way out]
Venus Flytrap : Now, wait...
[the door slams in his face, and he has to rush to the turntable where the record is finishing]
Venus Flytrap : Got my heart burned for love, too!