- Jennifer Marlowe: Bailey, women who want to be broadcast producers do not cry in public.
- Bailey Quarters: Then I'll cry in my car on the way home.
- Jennifer Marlowe: That's the way men do it.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Hi, Hy.
- Dr. Hy Monroe: Hi.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Hy...
- Dr. Hy Monroe: Hi.
- Dr. Johnny Fever: Hy... maybe I should just call you Dr. Monroe.
- Andy Travis: Bailey!
- Bailey Quarters: Yes?
- Andy Travis: How about you. You got an idea?
- Bailey Quarters: [standing up and clearing her throat] Yes, Andy, I do. My idea is to do a fifteen-minute talk show once a week called Cincinnati Beat.
- Herb Tarlek: [sarcastically in a sing-song tone] Boring!
- Bailey Quarters: [sincerely] What would make this show fresh and different is that we would talk to the average citizen who might not otherwise have a voice to the public.
- Les Nessman: [to Andy] It's been done!
- Bailey Quarters: It would also be an unusual show because... Johnny would be doing the interviews.
- Herb Tarlek: [emphatically] That's nuts!
- Bailey Quarters: And... and I would produce it.
- Andy Travis: I beg your pardon?
- Bailey Quarters: I... I would produce it.
- Andy Travis: A little louder, Bailey!
- Bailey Quarters: [with all her might] I said I would produce it!
- Herb Tarlek: But you're just a rookie, Bailey.
- Les Nessman: Andy, this isn't the Ohio State Journalism School. *This* is the big time.
- Andy Travis: Bailey!
- Bailey Quarters: [timidly] Yes?
- Andy Travis: I like it. Go talk to Johnny, all right?
- Bailey Quarters: Okay.
- Andy Travis: Okay.
- Venus Flytrap: I think I'll split.
- Bailey Quarters: Okay.
- Mrs. Woodruff: You see, my Hatchback Supreme broke down on a deserted stretch of highway. Now that's when I saw the incredibly bright light in a field and felt myself compelled to walk toward it.
- Venus Flytrap: [smiling] I think I'll stay.
- Mrs. Woodruff: Before I knew it, I was surrounded by a group of strange people in gold lamé suits.
- Venus Flytrap: That would either be The Temptations or The Four Tops.
- Mrs. Woodruff: Well, anyhow, to make a long *internationally copyrighted* story short, I was beamed aboard their spaceship, what they call a "get-gone", and transported to Ha-cha-cha Number Three. That's what you people call Mars.
- Venus Flytrap: Did this place have heavy metal screens on the windows?
- Mrs. Woodruff: Yes!
- Venus Flytrap: Lucky guess.
- Mrs. Woodruff: Well, anyhow, I was held on Number Three for, ooh, about two or three weeks, before I gained the confidence of Ernst, the divisional commander. I guess it was just a matter of knowing the right people, because Ernst got me transferred to the Caves of Grin. Which was minimum security. Still is, I guess.
- Bailey Quarters: That was lucky.
- Mrs. Woodruff: Oh, yes! Mm-hmm. Anyhow, one day I'm just sitting around, minding my own business, when a Drell comes up, who's obviously had one too many wowies. Well, I got his joy-stopper away from him, and shot him twice, right through the gnorl. Then I made my way back to Cincinnati.
- Bailey Quarters: But you're okay now.
- Mrs. Woodruff: Oh, yes. Except they're still after me. Uh, Ernst wants our son back. I can't really blame him.
- Bailey Quarters: [popping into broadcasting booth] Hi, Venus!
- Venus Flytrap: [ideas for the night spoiled] Bailey! What - what are you doing here? Everybody's gone.
- Bailey Quarters: Mm, working on a special project.
- [sits down happily]
- Bailey Quarters: Andy wants to do a public service program.
- Venus Flytrap: Uh-huh.
- Bailey Quarters: And he's asked anybody for ideas, even me.
- Venus Flytrap: Hey, that's great!
- [peers nervously at the door]
- Bailey Quarters: Our meeting is tomorrow morning.
- Venus Flytrap: Oh, wow...
- [can't wait for this girl to just leave]
- Bailey Quarters: And I've come up with an idea that I really like.
- Venus Flytrap: I like it too!
- Bailey Quarters: You do?
- Venus Flytrap: Yeah, I think it's perfect. Way to go, Bailey!
- Bailey Quarters: But - but, you haven't heard it.
- Venus Flytrap: Don't need to!
- [runs to the door to see if the coast is clear, then jumps back]
- Venus Flytrap: Why don't you just mosey on home and just rest up for tomorrow, huh?
- Bailey Quarters: Yeah, you're right.
- Venus Flytrap: Yeah.
- Bailey Quarters: Boy, this really means a lot to me, Venus.
- Roxanne: [and the reason for Venus' anxiety appears, a young woman carrying drinks] Here's that coconut hurricane, Venus, sugar!
- [notices Bailey]
- Roxanne: Hi!
- Bailey Quarters: Hi!
- Venus Flytrap: Yeah! Bailey, this is... *Mrs. Olson!* Yeah! She's a friend of my mother's.
- [a real likely story!]
- Roxanne: What?
- Venus Flytrap: This is Bailey. She works here, but she's got to go home now.
- Bailey Quarters: Bye. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Olson.
- [Roxanne waves her off petulantly]
- Venus Flytrap: Good luck, Bailey, on the meeting tomorrow. Goodnight!
- Bailey Quarters: Bye.
- Venus Flytrap: Yeah.
- Roxanne: Uh, who was *that?*
- Venus Flytrap: I told you, Roxanne, honey, she works here.
- Roxanne: Uh-huh. And who is Mrs. Olson?
- Venus Flytrap: Nobody. I'm not supposed to have a guest in the control room.
- Roxanne: Well, I thought you told me you owned this radio station.
- Venus Flytrap: I do.
- Roxanne: Guh!
- Venus Flytrap: What's the matter, baby?
- Roxanne: *You* can go get your *own* coconut hurricane from now on.
- [is on her way out]
- Venus Flytrap: Now, wait...
- [the door slams in his face, and he has to rush to the turntable where the record is finishing]
- Venus Flytrap: Got my heart burned for love, too!