WKRP in Cincinnati (TV Series)

Filthy Pictures: Part 1 (1980)

Gordon Jump: Arthur Carlson

Quotes 

• Arthur Carlson : This photographer of Herb's choosing somehow got nude pictures of our Jennifer.

  Dr. Johnny Fever : Let's see 'em.

  Venus Flytrap : Where are they?

  Herb Tarlek : Who has 'em?

  Andy Travis : [incredulous]  No he didn't.

  Arthur Carlson : I saw them in the office.

  Venus Flytrap : What's he gonna do with them? Sell them to some girlie magazine or something?

  Arthur Carlson : No, he's going to sell them to the Catholic Church. Wise-up, Venus.

  Venus Flytrap : I just asked a question.

  Arthur Carlson : Look, I'm sorry, but I'm upset by all of this. Jennifer doesn't even know what an injustice has been done to her, and I'm the one who's going to have to tell her because it was my idea. And if it were not for me, this would not have happened.

  Herb Tarlek : [sheepishly]  Sounds to me like I'm not fired.

  Arthur Carlson : I can't blame you, Herb. I thought I could. I dearly wanted to. But I can't.

  Dr. Johnny Fever : [inquisitively]  How nude is she?

  Arthur Carlson : [sheepishly covering his chest area with his hand and stumbling with his words]  Oh, she's uh, nude nude.

  Andy Travis : Well, hold on. I don't get this. We were together.

  Arthur Carlson : The pictures look like they were taken when she was changing.

  Andy Travis : Why that dirty...

  Venus Flytrap : Isn't that against the law, sir?

  Arthur Carlson : Apparently not. Releases were signed, the attorney said we can fight it, but the pictures probably get published anyway no matter what happens.

  Andy Travis : I don't believe this. Jennifer's gonna... well, I don't know what she's gonna do. This is gonna kill her.

  Dr. Johnny Fever : Yeah. Were the negatives in the envelope with the photos?

  Arthur Carlson : Yes.

  Dr. Johnny Fever : And you know where that envelope is in the office?

  Arthur Carlson : Yes, I think it's in his desk.

  Dr. Johnny Fever : [nodding]  Well, I'm going to suggest something ridiculous here. As usual, it's one of my deeply bent ideas. And I suggest it just so that we can dismiss it quickly and move onto sounder ground, but nevertheless, uh... Why don't we Watergate it?

  Venus Flytrap : Are you nuts? Breaking and entering is a felony!

  Herb Tarlek : Lord, Fever.

  Andy Travis : Yeah, why don't we think of something else.

  Arthur Carlson : Wait, wait, wait a minute, here. Fever just might be onto something. Well, I don't know exactly what else to do about it. Look, I'm certainly not going to let some sleazy photographer ruin the life and the reputation of a good friend of mine just because she did me a favor.

  Herb Tarlek : I'm with you, Big Guy.

  Andy Travis : We get caught, we could go to jail.

  Dr. Johnny Fever : Yeah, that's the part of the plan that I don't like.

• Arthur Carlson : [big charity promotion]  And the theme this year...

  [thumbs up] 

  Arthur Carlson : is Surf City, USA.

  Jennifer Marlowe : In Cincinnati, Ohio?

  Arthur Carlson : [bit taken aback]  Yes.

  [recovering:] 

  Arthur Carlson : I was, uh, I was gonna ask, uh, everybody, you know, if he or she would participate in the fashion show as a... model. Everybody but Herb, of course. Jennifer, could we count on you again this year?

  Jennifer Marlowe : [incandescent smile]  Of course.

  Arthur Carlson : Oh.

  [chuckles, then taps his pencil impatiently on desk, looking at Andy] 

  Andy Travis : [as Jennifer smiles at him, realizes:]  A model?

  Arthur Carlson : [shrugs]  It's for a good cause.

  Andy Travis : Oh, I don't know. Oh, man... a model?

  Arthur Carlson : What's that?

  Andy Travis : I said I'd never been a model before.

  Jennifer Marlowe : You'd like it.

  Andy Travis : [scoffs]  I don't know about that.

  Jennifer Marlowe : [thumping Andy's shoulder]  Oh, do it for Mr. Carlson.

  Arthur Carlson : I'd sure appreciate it, Andrew.

  Andy Travis : Well, I...

  Jennifer Marlowe : Come on...!

  Andy Travis : Okay, gee...

  Arthur Carlson : [smiling]  Jennifer, I was hoping, and... and very deeply in fact, that you would appear on our advertising poster. Of course, that would necessitate your... posing...

  [exhales] 

  Arthur Carlson : in a bathing suit.

  [Andy perks up] 

  Jennifer Marlowe : Well, Mr. Carlson, I'm...

  Andy Travis : Why not? You'd like it!

  Jennifer Marlowe : I'd have to think about it.

  Andy Travis : What's to think? Come on, do it for Mr. Carlson.

  [smiles gleefully] 

  Arthur Carlson : Yeah, it would just be you, Jennifer. And Andy. Standing there in your bathing suits.

  Jennifer Marlowe : [chuckles merrily]  I'll do it.

  [Andy is dismayed] 

• Arthur Carlson : [Mr. Carlson has just discovered the nude photos of Jennifer]  Where did you get those?

  D. Arnold Gonzer : She posed for them.

  Arthur Carlson : No, she didn't. She wouldn't do that.

  D. Arnold Gonzer : Well then, it's her word against mine. And besides, pictures don't lie. Now look, I'm very busy.

  Arthur Carlson : What are you gonna do with those?

  D. Arnold Gonzer : I'm gonna sell them. That's what I do for a living. I sell pictures.

  Arthur Carlson : You're gonna sell those pictures to some cheap girlie magazine?

  D. Arnold Gonzer : No, I'm gonna sell them to the Catholic Church.

  Arthur Carlson : Just wait a minute. If you sell those pictures to a publication, I'm gonna have my lawyer all over you and don't think I won't!

  D. Arnold Gonzer : I don't think so. You see, I got the lady's release form right here. Look, pal. I've been doing this for years. I know all the ins and outs, what's legal, what's not legal. I'm no amateur. I've been waiting for the big one and this little lady is it. It's like those Marilyn Monroe pictures. Playboy built an empire on those. Those photographs are like gold.

  Arthur Carlson : I'm the one responsible for her coming here in the first place... Oh, come on, this isn't right.

  D. Arnold Gonzer : What can you do, huh? You can't do nothing. Go home.