WKRP in Cincinnati (TV Series)

Turkeys Away (1978)

Howard Hesseman: Dr. Johnny Fever

Photos 

Quotes 

• Les Nessman : I'm here with hundreds of people who have gathered to witness what has been described as perhaps the greatest turkey event in Thanksgiving Day history. All we know for sure is that in a very few moments there are going to be a lot of happy people out here. Now the crowd is...

  [passers-by gawk at Les] 

  Les Nessman : The... the crowd is uh... curious but well behaved. And I think I hear something now. Uh... The crowd is moving out into the parking area. And... oh yes! I can see it now. It's a... it's a... helicopter and it's coming this way!

  Andy Travis : A helicopter?

  Les Nessman : It's flying something behind it and I can't quite make it out. It's a large banner and it says H a p p y... T h a n k s... giving... from W... K... R... P! What a sight, ladies and gentlemen. What a sight. The 'copter seems to circling the parking area now. I guess it's looking for a place to land. No! Something just came out of the back of a helicopter. It's a dark object, perhaps a skydiver plummeting to the earth from only two thousand feet in the air... There's a third... No parachutes yet... Those can't be skydivers. I can't tell just yet what they are but... Oh my God! They're turkeys! Oh no! Johnny can you get this? Oh, they're crashing to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! This is terrible! Everyone's running around pushing each other. Oh my goodness! Oh, the humanity! People are running about. The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Folks, I don't know how much longer... The crowd is running for their lives. I think I'm going to step inside. I can't stand here and watch this anymore. No, I can't go in there. Children are searching for their mothers and oh, not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this. I don't know how much longer I can hold my position here, Johnny. The crowd...

  Dr. Johnny Fever : Les? Les? Les, are you there? Les isn't there. Thanks for that on-the-spot report, Les. For those of you who've just tuned in, the Pinedale Shopping Mall has just been bombed with live turkeys. Film at eleven.

• Venus Flytrap : What do you suppose he's up to?

  Dr. Johnny Fever : Carlson? I don't know. You should have been here for the big wig promotion.

  Venus Flytrap : What happened?

  Dr. Johnny Fever : Well, naturally, it didn't work, and we ended up with a warehouse full of wigs. Carlson, he couldn't figure out how to get rid of 'em until the Guatemalan earthquake.

  Venus Flytrap : Say what?

  Dr. Johnny Fever : Well, the Red Cross called out, you know, for blankets, clothes, anything. So Carlson, out of the goodness of his heart, shipped these destitute earthquake victims in Guatemala three thousand blonde stretch wigs. You know, I still have this picture in my mind of quake victims stumbling through the rubble - all looking like Dolly Parton.

• Dr. Johnny Fever : [Mr. Carlson is inspecting Johnny in the DJ booth while Pink Floyd's "Dogs" is playing, specifically the section with the barking dogs]  Gripping music, ain't it?

  Arthur Carlson : Yeah, it's good. What is the name of this orchestra?

  Dr. Johnny Fever : It's Pink Floyd.

  Arthur Carlson : Oh. Is that Pink Floyd? Do I hear dogs barking on that thing?

  Dr. Johnny Fever : I do.

  Arthur Carlson : They're good, aren't they?

  [Picks up the Animals album jacket] 

  Arthur Carlson : There's something on here that's called "Pigs On The Wing". What does that sound like?

  Dr. Johnny Fever : I don't do requests.

  Arthur Carlson : Well, keep up the good work.

  Dr. Johnny Fever : I'm giving it all I've got.