- Major Seth Adams: By Golly, these are quite some biscuits you got here. First biscuit I ever saw you can play 'Home Sweet Home' on.
- Luther Henry: You shoulda seen last night's.
- Gabe Henry: Well, you ate 'em, I noticed.
- Luther Henry: I still got some stuck between my teeth, like Indian rubber. See?
- Major Seth Adams: You know, Gabe, the farther West we get the better Miss Annabelle's gonna look to yer.
- Luther Henry: Wow. Maybe we oughtta go East.
- Flint McCullough: [Granny is humming Rock of Ages] 'Evening Granny.
- Granny Henry: Oh, hello, Flint... Break a yoke?
- Flint McCullough: [His nose is leading him direct to a close inspection of a hot pie] The last wagon did in that gully we hit just before sunset. You know, Granny, I've got a confession to make to you. Three things brought me over here, just like a magnet. The sound of your humming, the colour of your eyes, and the smell of that fresh baked apple pie.
- Granny Henry: You're the worst liar to ever come out of the Rebel Army.
- Flint McCullough: [His focus is back on the pie] Now, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that if you'll just cut into this beautiful thing.
- Granny Henry: [He picks up the hot pie only to put it down again, his fingers almost burnt. He's working out what sized portion he might get] Luther's fetching Gabe now. You'll have your big piece directly they get here.
- Parson Zeke Plummmer: Well, Gabe, if you haven't found someone to set the bells ringing in 5 years, I don't see how you can expect me to conjure up someone at a box social in 4 hours' notice.
- Gabe Henry: [They watch as Luther trails a suitable prey] Who in the world is THAT?
- Parson Zeke Plummmer: I don't know. She just came in on the morning stage... You might not need a box social after all. You've got agents all over town.
- Parson Zeke Plummmer: Well, I've always said there's no matrimonial agency in the world that can touch a well-run box social.
- Luther Henry: A good one just went by but she was took up.
- Gabe Henry: Well, they can't all be took up...
- Luther Henry: ...How's a man go about flushing 'em out?
- Gabe Henry: Don't ask me, I never done it before.
- Luther Henry: I, ah, I been wondering if you'd be interested in getting married.
- Candy O'Hara: You proposing?
- Luther Henry: Kinda.
- Candy O'Hara: Well, I'm mighty flattered, Luther, but I'll tell you the truth. I had an older man in mind.
- Luther Henry: I got one.
- Gabe Henry: Well, hold on, I spent $2 to rent this buggy here. Now you wouldn't want that to go to waste, would ya?
- Major Seth Adams: [He's working on the shopping list within earshot of Luther] One step-mother for Luther. Hey, Flint, how's the market on step-mothers these days?
- Flint McCullough: Oh, it's going up something fierce. Isn't that right, Charlie?
- Charlie Wooster: Awful lot.
- Flint McCullough: Last time we were through this town they were as thick as flies. But now, getting mighty scarce.
- Major Seth Adams: Guess there's been a run on them, huh?
- Flint McCullough: Yeah.
- Luther Henry: You pretty strong?
- Candy O'Hara: Feel that muscle? My Daddy was wrestling champion of County Tyrone. Look at that. Got all my own teeth too. See? Never been sick a day in my life.
- Luther Henry: How come you ain't took up?
- Candy O'Hara: Well, it's kind of a long sad story, Luther.
- Luther Henry: Can't cook most likely.
- Marty Benson: You're not squandering your money on somebody else, are you?
- Candy O'Hara: Why do you ask me that?
- Marty Benson: You got that sassy look in your eye. I wouldn't like it, you know, if you found another fella. After 5 years a man gets to counting on a woman.
- Gabe Henry: I want you there beside me when we see that ranch for the first time. The green hills and the creek running by the house, the horses galloping across the bottom land with their tails high in the air.
- Candy O'Hara: Will you stop talking that way.
- Gabe Henry: Well, you are the contrariest woman I ever saw.
- Gabe Henry: I AM NOT!
- Gabe Henry: Once we get to California on that ranch we can send more money back home than you ever could working as a waitress. Don't go contrary on me now. We got no time for that.
- Candy O'Hara: I'm not, Gabe. I'm...
- Gabe Henry: I could tell right back there in that store. I could tell the first time I set eyes on you.
- Candy O'Hara: Have some more chicken.
- Major Seth Adams: Let's see. What have we got here? By golly, Hunter's Stew. Say, Charlie, I couldn't tell you how happy that makes me. Bill, how long is it since we had a Hunter's Stew?
- Bill Hawks: Oh, about 24 hours about as near as I can figure.
- Charlie Wooster: Wrong. That was Prairie Stew.
- Major Seth Adams: What's the difference, Charlie?
- Charlie Wooster: Well, there's a touch more Napoleon Brandy in the Prairie and naturally not as many herbs and truffles and all them things. And you have to have an educated taste to appreciate it too. 'Course if you gentlemen don't appreciate my French cooking, I'd be happy to change place with either of you.
- Bill Hawks: Oh, why, Charlie, this is delicious.
- Major Seth Adams: Oh, looky here. I got a mushroom.
- Charlie Wooster: Yeah, I grow them here in my cellar.
- Granny Henry: And Luther'll turn into an unbuttoned, unmended, dirty behind the ears wild Injun that'll take a Methodist missionary a lifetime to civilise.
- Kate, the barmaid: I was expecting to talk to you about the money. We didn't get 'round to that this morning. You make ten bucks a night here, half the take on the drinks. You don't have to check up on Gus either. If he makes a mistake, it'll likely be in your favour. It's a good joint. It's a good time. You play it right, you make enough to retire.
- Candy O'Hara: Are you trying to be funny?
- Kate, the barmaid: Huh? Why?
- Candy O'Hara: Does anyone ever retire from this?
- Kate, the barmaid: Depends on what you mean.
- Candy O'Hara: I mean, meet the right man, marry, have a family.
- Kate, the barmaid: Oh, is that what's eating you, Candy?
- Candy O'Hara: Maybe.
- Kate, the barmaid: You should've thought of that five years ago.
- Candy O'Hara: How long do people do that to you?
- Major Seth Adams: Do what?
- Candy O'Hara: Make what you are out of what you were. Is it all written down in indelible ink, Major? Indelible ink that you can't wash out. Is it like trying to run away from your shadow? Only you can't.
- Major Seth Adams: Has she asked you for any money, Gabe?
- Gabe Henry: Naaaah. Why did you ask me that? You mean you think she'd...
- Major Seth Adams: Gabe!
- Gabe Henry: She can't be that kind of a girl, Major.
- Major Seth Adams: How do you know?
- Gabe Henry: Well, I just do. That's all. If you know any different, you tell me right now. Go on, let's have it.
- Major Seth Adams: Gabe, just don't quite know what to tell yer. You're a grown man, and you ought to be able to make up your own mind. I just don't want you to jump into a pond until you know how deep it is.
- Major Seth Adams: I guess it doesn't matter much what a man does. As long as he doesn't get himself hung. He can always reform. But with a woman, well, I guess it's like Candy said.
- Gabe Henry: What was that?
- Major Seth Adams: She said that it was kinda like trying to run away from your shadow.
- Gabe Henry: Major, she ain't gonna stay in that place.
- Marty Benson: If you ever have to set foot in a saloon again, why Gabe Henry is going to hang up his plough and ride trail on me until my hide is hanging on his barn door.
- Candy O'Hara: I tell you a secret, Gabe. Even he won't marry me.
- Gabe Henry: Kathleen.
- Candy O'Hara: No, it's Candy. That's what they call me in Wichita and Abilene and Hays City. Why don't you take that box and just go onto the Box Social and see if you can't find yourself a 'nice girl' that you and Luther can be proud of.
- Major Seth Adams: You don't have to understand him, Candy. Why don't you just sort of relax and let the cyclone carry you along.
- Gabe Henry: No, I just sorta sensed it. You look like you might be a good baritone.
- Marty Benson: [sings] Beautiful Dreamer, waken to me- How's it sound?
- Gabe Henry: First rate.
- Marty Benson: Think I ought to sing it?
- Gabe Henry: No, you won't be singing at all.
- Townswoman: [Kate the blonde barman:] Oh, you know it happened to me once, a few years ago. Apple farmer from Chesapeake, made the best goldarn cider in the whole state of New York. Met him at a 'McCallum for President' Rally.
- Candy O'Hara: How'd you come out?
- Townswoman: [Kate the blonde barman:] About like McCallum.