The West Wing (TV Series)

Celestial Navigation (2000)

Richard Schiff: Toby Ziegler

Photos 

Quotes 

• Officer Peter : You walk in here, you tell me you work for the President...

  Sam Seaborn : [looks at officer's name tag]  Officer Peter, we're in a certain amount of trouble tonight and the only thing I've got going for me is that you're in more trouble than we are. My name is Sam Seaborn, I work for the President and the sooner you reach the conclusion that I'm telling you the truth the better off we're all gonna be. Why don't you go get your watch commander?

  [Officer Peter leaves the room. Sam turns to Toby] 

  Sam Seaborn : Let me tell you something. If we'd have stayed on the Merritt parkway instead of getting off on exit 29 and going east to Greenwich, I don't think we'd have wound up in Bridgeport so many times.

  Toby Ziegler : Shut up.

• Judge Roberto Mendoza : You pull all the strings you want, Toby, but not for me. Come Monday, I'm gonna avail myself of the criminal justice system for which I have worked my entire adult life.

  Toby Ziegler : Judge, due respect. Get your things and let's go.

  Judge Roberto Mendoza : [angrily]  My kid was in the car, Toby. They patted me down and they handcuffed me in front of my nine-year-old boy. Then he and his mother got to see them put me in the squad car and drive away.

  Toby Ziegler : He's also seen you wearing a robe with a gavel in your hand.

  Judge Roberto Mendoza : He doesn't understand that. He doesn't know what that is. He understands what the police are because he watches television. That's what he's gonna remember, his father being handcuffed. So America just got another pissed-off guy with dark skin.

• Josh Lyman : [Toby has phoned Josh to tell him that he and Sam are lost]  Toby, how hard can it be to find the Wesley police station?

  Toby Ziegler : I don't know, Josh, but while we're looking, can you tell me a little more about the President's secret plan to fight inflation?

  Josh Lyman : [brief pause]  How long before you let up on me on that?

  Toby Ziegler : Oh, it's gonna take a little while, I would think.

• Sam Seaborn : There's a store open up there. I'm gonna pull over and ask 'em if they know where the Wesley police station is.

  Toby Ziegler : Or you could just pull in there,

  [points] 

  Toby Ziegler : at the Wesley police station and ask them.

  Sam Seaborn : Hey!

  Toby Ziegler : Yeah.

  Sam Seaborn : Look!

  Toby Ziegler : Yeah.

• Josh Lyman : [after his disastrous press briefing]  Donna, call up Toby's office and see if he was watching.

  Toby Ziegler : [From off camera]  Where the hell is he?

  Josh Lyman : Never mind.

• Toby Ziegler : It's your lucky night, officers. There isn't going to be a report, there isn't going to be an investigation, no one's getting suspended. And no one's filing a hundred million dollar lawsuit against the county that they would almost surely win. But in this room, you're gonna apologize to Mr. Mendoza. And then you're gonna get in your squad car and you're gonna follow us and you're gonna apologize to his son.

  Sgt. MacNamara : Judge Mendoza, we sincerely apologize for our mistake.

  Judge Roberto Mendoza : Thank you.

  Toby Ziegler : Let's go.

• Leo McGarry : [about Roberto Mendoza]  He's driving from Nova Scotia to Washington?

  Sam Seaborn : Yeah.

  Leo McGarry : How's a person do that?

  Sam Seaborn : Well, my guess is, he'll take the Trans-Canada Highway to New Brunswick, then maybe catch the 1 and take the scenic route along the coast of Maine. 95 through New Hampshire to the Mass Pike, then cut over to the Merritt Parkway 'round Milford.

  Toby Ziegler : [after a moment]  There's something really kinda freakish about you, you know that?

  Sam Seaborn : Yeah.

• [Justice Mendoza has been wrongfully arrested] 

  Toby Ziegler : Hello, Mr. Justice. How are you?

  Judge Roberto Mendoza : Incarcerated, Toby. How are you?

• Toby Ziegler : Have you fallen on your head?

  Josh Lyman : Toby... Listen...

  Toby Ziegler : Have you fallen down and hit your head on something hard?

• Leo McGarry : Mr. President, we experienced a few public relations - what's the word?

  Toby Ziegler : Catastrophes.

  Leo McGarry : ...incidents, in the few hours you were away last night.

• Toby Ziegler : [Toby is in a jail cell with Judge Mendoza who's been erroneously arrested for drunk driving]  One phone call, Judge. "Toby, this has happened. Tell them my name's Roberto Mendoza and the President's named me to the bench!"

  Judge Roberto Mendoza : They pulled me over because I look like my name is Roberto Mendoza and I'm coming to rob your house.

• Toby Ziegler : There's nothing about this that doesn't stink. If it were me, I'd want to extract vengeance, and I'd say "Let justice be done." I'd also want to spend some time in a dark room alone, so that I didn't have to face my wife and my son and have them see my humiliation. Rob, I can't get this done if this is the story. Can't get it done. Nothing about this that doesn't stink. And nothing about it that wouldn't be better if you were a Supreme Court Justice. Let me take you to the motel. Go see your boy.

• Sam Seaborn : [bursts in]  We have a problem.

  Toby Ziegler : No kidding!

  Sam Seaborn : Not Josh.

  Josh Lyman : Praise God.

  Sam Seaborn : Although I gotta say, telling a reporter his question is stupid is not like a page out of Dale Carnegie or anything.

• Toby Ziegler : Something really kinda freakish about you, you know that?