- Wayne Brady: [in "Let's Make a Date"] Bachelor number one...
- Greg Proops: [as Jack Nicholson from "The Shining"] You're back to me, Wendy. How great.
- Wayne Brady: When I was a small child, my mother told me to be with a man who would take care of me. How would you take care of me?
- Greg Proops: Oh, I'd take care of you REAL good. Heeeeere's your boyfriend!
- Drew Carey: [after "Let's Make a Date"] Let's go onto a game called "Let's Make a Date", this is for all four of you. Wayne, you're gonna be appearing on a dating show- oh, we just did that.
- Greg Proops: Excuse me, Captain Alzheimer? Go to the third card, Drew. Go to the THIRD card.
- Drew Carey: [holds a card to his temple] What is... Greg's next job.
- Drew Carey: I'm gonna give you a thousand points. You know why? 'Cause at home, some idiot is keeping score and he wants to know what the points are. We get letters, folks, I am tellin' ya, I can't believe it.
- Drew Carey: I had a rough night last night. Yeah, my, uh, my blow-up doll ran off with my air mattress. It was quite a, uh, quite a night.
- Drew Carey: Let's go onto a game now called... "Song Styles". "Greatest Hits".
- [audience laughs]
- Drew Carey: Man... I am one step behind...
- Greg Proops: "This is for all four contestants. Wayne'll be choosing a date, but they're not exactly what you'd think."
- Drew Carey: [pause] Well, let's go onto a game called "Greatest Hits".
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Greatest Hits"] Hi, we'll be back to your movie, "Out of Africa", in just a moment. But first, have we got a deal for you.
- Colin Mochrie: You know, since Noah, there have been songs about animals, zoos, and zookeepers, and we have compiled the best of all possible animal-related songs on this...
- [pinches his right fingers together]
- Colin Mochrie: a very little CD, that has over 150,000 songs on it.
- Ryan Stiles: That's right, Colin, including that number one Miami...
- [a crumpled card, thrown by Drew from off-camera, hits Ryan in the head]
- Ryan Stiles: wait, apparently we have a special bonus!
- [picks up the card and unravels it]
- Ryan Stiles: It's one of Drew Carey's cue cards, which has NEVER BEEN READ.
- [Drew laughs]