- Greg Proops: [after the "Newsflash" with footage of women on the beach in swimsuits] Now THAT'S what I call a game. I don't care WHO you are, that's good TV.
- Drew Carey: Right on, brother.
- Greg Proops: Something for the kids, grandma, everybody.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Weird Newscasters", his quirk is "Inca high priest who must sacrifice a virgin"] Friday, we have rain moving in. Saturday, volcanic eruptions that will destroy the Earth... unless we make a sacrifice to the god of eruption!
- [looks for candidates amongst the cheering audience for a few seconds]
- Ryan Stiles: We're gonna die! We're gonna die!
- Greg Proops: This just in: Virginity abolished in Southern California.