- Wayne Brady: [after the "Newsflash" with footage of a vintage strip club] That was wrong on so many levels.
- Drew Carey: Woo, man. Well, hey, a point for every grandkid of theirs that just saw that.
- Wayne Brady: [in "Hoedown", about the lottery]
- [singing]
- Wayne Brady: If I had money, here's what I'd do, you see. / I'd make it my mission to help celebrities. / I'd even help one guy who I consider my friend. / I'd spend all of my money to make Michael Jackson black again.
- Drew Carey: [singing] Well, if I won the lottery, here's what I would do. / I'd buy a car and maybe a house or two. / But this is what I'm wondering and this is what I'm asking, / If you won the lottery, why would you waste it on Michael Jackson?
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Narrate", set in an emergency room] Scalpel.
- Colin Mochrie: That's the pointy thing, right?
- [to camera]
- Colin Mochrie: I made my first mistake. But luckily, I was a quick thinker, and I knew how to cover.
- [to Ryan, chuckling]
- Colin Mochrie: Just kidding.
- [mimes handing it to him]
- Ryan Stiles: [to camera] I now knew he wasn't who he said he was. When handing a scalpel, you never do it pointy end first.
- [mimes pulling it out of his hand]
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Film, TV and Theater Styles", the current style is Spanish soccer telecast] Look, I slept with your wife. I slept with her two times, and it was goooooood!