- Brad Sherwood: [in "Press Conference", Colin's quirk is "Santa Claus announcing his retirement"] What about all your animal friends?
- Colin Mochrie: Hey. Animal friends are there to be animal friends. If they can't handle being a carpet...
- [audience laughs/oohs]
- Colin Mochrie: I may have said too much.
- Brad Sherwood: [in "If You Know What I Mean", set in an office] I was just at the xerox machine. I'd like you to look at my enlargements, if you know what I mean.
- Colin Mochrie: Well, once I'm finished with my floppy, if you know what I mean.
- Brad Sherwood: I heard you were having a problem with your hard drive, if you know what I mean.
- Colin Mochrie: [downbeat] Yeah...
- Ryan Stiles: [enters] Sorry I'm late, I was drilling some Marines, if you know what I mean.
- Brad Sherwood: I saw your report, it came up a little short, if you know what I'm talkin' about.
- Ryan Stiles: Well, I'm having a little problem with my RAM, if you get my drift.
- Colin Mochrie: Everyone's been laughing at your briefs, if you know what I mean.
- Ryan Stiles: [shakes head] No, I don't know anything about that.
- Brad Sherwood: Well, I have to go sharpen my pencil, if you know what I mean.
- Colin Mochrie: I gotta go "think outside the box", if you know what I mean.
- [Drew laughs]
- Ryan Stiles: I'm gonna go... see if I can go jam myself into my cubicle, if you know what I mean.
- Brad Sherwood: No.
- Colin Mochrie: I was gonna run something up the flagpole and see if anyone grabbed it, if you know what I mean.
- Brad Sherwood: I have to move out soon. Would you help me with my enormously large credenza, if you know what I mean?
- Colin Mochrie: I'll help you fluff your Garfield, if you know what you mean.
- Brad Sherwood: [after audience laughter] Well... I'm going to go to the bathroom.
- Ryan Stiles: I'm gonna go sleep with the boss, if you know what I mean.
- [Drew buzzes them out]
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Showstopping Number"]
- [singing]
- Ryan Stiles: I'm always gonna be with ya, Phil. / But I wish that you'd call me "Jill". / Never gonna go, it never stops, it never yields, / Hey, come on and fluff my Garfield!
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Times when eeny, meeny, miny, moe is not an appropriate selection method."
- Brad Sherwood: [pointing between Ryan and Colin] Miney, moe. Congratulations, Mr. Bush.
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Things the pilot wishes he hadn't said when the intercom was on."
- Ryan Stiles: Oh, those chalupas are comin' back on me...
- Colin Mochrie: Hawaii's kinda shaped like a liver, right?
- Ryan Stiles: Oh, this is easier than I thought!
- Colin Mochrie: [sighs] I'm so horny, I can't think straight!
- Brad Sherwood: Did you see the jugs on the girl in row four?
- Drew Carey: "First lines of the worst poems ever written."
- Brad Sherwood: Did you see the jugs on the girl in row four?
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Hoedown", about doctors]
- [singing]
- Colin Mochrie: I am a doctor, yes, I'm very bad. / Boy, it makes my patients really, really mad. / The last guy that I had still hasn't healed, / I should've been gentler when I fluffed his Garfield.
- Drew Carey: Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?", the show with more... same sex, mouth-to-mouth kissing than any show in the history of television.
- [audience laughter]
- Drew Carey: I'm Drew Carey, Lord of the Onion Rings. Good to have you here. Uh... we're gonna keep the show going. I thought I said that so fast you wouldn't catch it.