- [playing "Hollywood Director"]
- Colin Mochrie: [holding his hand at a point in the air] If this was crap, you'd need a ladder to get that high!
- [playing "Hollywood Director"]
- Charles Esten: What you doin' to my woman? Hyah!
- [jumps onto Ryan's back]
- Ryan Stiles: Oh, get off!
- [loud censor bleeps; raucous laughter]
- Colin Mochrie: Cut, cut, cut, cut! My God! He's over forty! You okay?
- Ryan Stiles: Uh uh.
- Colin Mochrie: All right. You know, we don't have the insurance! All right.
- Charles Esten: I'm sorry.
- Colin Mochrie: [angrily] I know you're sorry!
- [after Drew signals the end of "Hollywood Director"]
- Ryan Stiles: Hey, that disc popped right back in!
- [laughter]
- Charles Esten: [sorrowfully] I broke Ryan.
- Drew Carey - Host: [laughing] "Faster, faster, you fool, you fool."
- [laughter]
- Ryan Stiles: That's quite a sensation when those vertebrae rub against each other.
- [laughter]
- Drew Carey - Host: No, that was really hilarious, man. I'll give you a hundred bucks to do it again later on.
- [laughter]
- Drew Carey - Host: But for now, a thousand points a piece. Let's go on to a game called... how's your back, really? Is it
- Ryan Stiles: Good.
- Drew Carey - Host: 'Cause I saw you go like
- [pantomimes]
- Ryan Stiles: No, I was actually saying "Get the
- [censor bleep]
- Ryan Stiles: off! Get the
- [censor bleep]
- Ryan Stiles: off!"
- [laughter]
- Ryan Stiles: I don't know if we can air that or not, but that's what I was saying.
- [laughter]
- Charles Esten: I wasn't sure what he meant by that.
- [laughter]
- [after Chip jumps on Ryan during "Hollywood Director"]
- Colin Mochrie: Do it like a porn movie filled with exercise instructors.
- Ryan Stiles: It's porn, so I can lie down, right?
- Colin Mochrie: Yes, you can. Action!
- [Colin exits, and Ryan lies down with a sigh of relief]
- Wayne Brady: [in "Scenes from a Hat", the suggestion being "Difficult questions for mommy to answer."] Mommy, how come no one looks like me on "Friends"?
- Colin Mochrie: Mommy, how come no one looks like me on "Friends"?
- Drew Carey - Host: Yes, if you were paying attention, I said DIFFICULT questions.
- [audience laughs/oohs]
- Drew Carey - Host: So many bald, all right.
- Colin Mochrie: I'm adorable.
- Drew Carey - Host: Yes you are.
- Ryan Stiles: You looked better before you lost your erection.
- Charles Esten: [in "Hoedown", about drunk mothers]
- [singing]
- Charles Esten: Well I knew Colin's mother, I must tell the truth. / When she was nursing Colin, her milk was 90 proof. / She wanted to kick the habit, she didn't know what to do. / But if your baby looked like that, then you'd be drinkin' too.
- [Wayne high fives Chip]
- Drew Carey - Host: [singing] Let me tell you something that happened just to me. / My mama started drinking when I was just three. / Now I shouldn't let this secret slip, / But my mama started drinking when she married Chip.
- Colin Mochrie: [singing] My mother drinks a lot, I know that isn't strange. / But her behavior GETS really strange. / She acts as though she's from somewhere else, maybe like Venus. / Oh, by the way, Chip has a little penis.
- Ryan Stiles: [singing] Oh boy, this "Hoedown", it's takin' mighty long. / I am so siiiiick of this bloody song. / Wayne sits there and he gets to rest. / His penis is large, that's why he's behind the desk.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Song Titles"] "What's New, Pussycat?"
- Colin Mochrie: "When You Wish Upon a Star."
- Ryan Stiles: Ooh, "Blue Suede Shoes."
- Colin Mochrie: ...Nice pants.
- [buzzed out by Drew]
- Drew Carey - Host: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Bad names for perfume."
- Wayne Brady: I call it, "Like Ass".
- Ryan Stiles: You know you'll get lucky when you're wearing "Eau du Pork".
- Colin Mochrie: "Nice Pants", the smell of corduroy.
- Charles Esten: [in "Song Titles"] "Theme from S.W.A.T.".
- Colin Mochrie: "Oops, I Did it Again".
- Charles Esten: "Love to Love Ya, Baby".
- Colin Mochrie: "Happiness is a Warm Gun".
- Charles Esten: "Cold as Ice".
- Colin Mochrie: ...Yippie yi-yo!
- [walks off to the buzzer]