- Drew Carey: [after "Hollywood Director", where Wayne crawled on top of Greg] You know, the way you straddled Greg there, you almost gave me a heart attack. You guys had- his legs were wrapped right around you.
- Wayne Brady: It was for the scene, dude. It was for the scene.
- Ryan Stiles: Hey Drew, what happens on the show STAYS on the show. Okay?
- Greg Proops: Gee whiz, Drew, don't you remember my audition?
- [audience woos]
- Wayne Brady: Sometime tonight during the show, I'm humpin' someone in the audience.
- [audience cheers]
- Wayne Brady: That's all I know. That's ALL I know.
- Ryan Stiles: So keep your ticket stubs handy!
- Drew Carey: [after "Newsflash", which featured footage from "The Jerry Springer Show", where one clip featured a man who duct-taped fish to himself] What was up with the fish guy?
- Ryan Stiles: There was a show last week where this, he got really hot if his girlfriend had, like, food and fish and stuff all over him.
- Drew Carey: Was that really?
- Ryan Stiles: Not that I watch it, but I saw a clip of it.
- Wayne Brady: [in "Song Styles", singing to Jerry Springer in gospel style] Every night at two o'clock in the morning when I just get home, I crack open some Taco Bell and I roll on top of the sheets and I turn it on, and there ain't nothin' else to watch except "Baywatch", and I done seen that forty-five times, and I turn you on and there ya are, surrounded by all the freaks and the big bald guy, Steve, I really like him, but Jerry... Jerry!
- Drew Carey: [after "Song Styles", where Wayne sang to Jerry Springer] Before we go on, I have a final thought.
- [Ryan laughs]
- Wayne Brady: I apologize for my foul language in that. That wa- you can't...
- Drew Carey: You didn't have any foul language.
- Wayne Brady: Y-Yeah, I said "ass" and "ho".
- Colin Mochrie: [puts fingers in ears] La la la la la la...
- Ryan Stiles: I think Jerry was, Jerry was SHOCKED.
- Drew Carey: [before "Daytime Talk Show"] Uh, the subject of the show we're dealing with isn't a conventional topic, of course, 'cause you're on the show. It's a fairy tale, your show is about Little Red Riding Hood. Little Red Riding Hood.
- Jerry Springer: I don't do trash.
- Drew Carey: [chuckles] I know.
- Jerry Springer: Okay, welcome. Uh, today, we're doing Little Red Riding Hood. And, uh, what's your name?
- Ryan Stiles: [in gruff voice] I'm, uh, the wolf. Jerry, before we start, can I rub Drew's head?
- Jerry Springer: [looks at Drew, who's smiling] ... Yeah?
- Ryan Stiles: All right, thanks.
- [rubs Drew's head]
- Jerry Springer: [to Colin] You want to rub the other one?
- Colin Mochrie: No. I don't rub heads! It was just a phase!
- Jerry Springer: [in "Daytime Talk Show"] I'll tell you what: Let's have some questions from the audience, all right? Who do we have here?
- [to Wayne, who's sitting in the audience]
- Jerry Springer: Go ahead.
- Wayne Brady: How ya doin'? I'm the Woodsman. Yeah, what's up, Jerry? First of, lemme start off by saying that your show, uh, you, boy, I'd kick you in the head, boy, you're so funny. Hey, the thing is, you know what, that wa- that, uh, wolf, that wolf...
- Jerry Springer: [interrupting] Yeah, next question.