- [after the "Awards Show" game]
- Drew Carey: [to Wayne] Are you serious? Are you serious? Yes. No, I read your lips. Are you serious?
- [to audience, after they calm down]
- Drew Carey: Wayne just said to Brad, "I would have done it with you, but I have a G-string on."
- [laughter]
- Wayne Brady: Yes, I do.
- [audience reactions]
- Wayne Brady: Hey, it gives me support! What's up?
- Ryan Stiles: It's not like it's a leopard G-string, is it?
- [Wayne shakes his head "no"]
- Drew Carey: I thought you were joking around.
- Wayne Brady: No, I really do.
- Brad Sherwood: [acting street tough] It's a *G-string*!
- Wayne Brady: Right! When I'm hangin' with my homies.
- [laughter]
- Wayne Brady: Look, wait.
- [Wayne reaches into his slacks and pulls out one of the strings; whoops and hollers from the audience]
- Drew Carey: Holy crap, he *is* wearing a G-string.
- [after "Party Quirks" ends]
- Drew Carey: That was the South American version of the Jerry Springer Show.
- Wayne Brady: [confused] Yeah.
- Drew Carey: I kept waiting for the South American version to pop in there.
- Wayne Brady: Was that what it said?
- Drew Carey: Yeah.
- Wayne Brady: No, it didn't.
- Drew Carey: On your... on mine, it did.
- Wayne Brady: [picking up his envelope] Well, now that the game is over... mine said "'I've got a secret' episode of the..."
- [without missing a beat]
- Wayne Brady: Oh, crap.
- [laughter]
- Ryan Stiles: Someone's thong is too tight.
- [more laughter]
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Things found written in hillbilly fortune cookies."
- Wayne Brady: [mimes cracking a fortune cookie open] ... Hell, I can't read.
- Ryan Stiles: "You just ate what could've been your lover."
- [audience both laughs and oohs; Ryan bows]
- Brad Sherwood: "Hope you enjoyed the chop suuuuuuuuuu-ey!"
- Colin Mochrie: "Howdy."
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Hit numbers from a musical about breasts."
- Colin Mochrie: [singing] I got a dime for two nipples, and...
- Wayne Brady: [singing, to the tune of "The Way We Were"] Mammaries...
- Colin Mochrie: [singing] I like to stick my head in, go
- [shakes head and blubbers]
- Colin Mochrie: / I like to stick it...
- [shakes head and blubbers]
- Wayne Brady: [singing] Ohhhhhh, damn that some big titty!
- Ryan Stiles: [singing] Come in Tokyo, come in Tokyo...
- [mimes twisting knobs with his fingers]
- Wayne Brady: The newest number in "Stomp":
- [stomps, claps, and plays drums with his hands. Then mimes slapping and getting slapped. He leaves the stage and returns with another joke]
- Wayne Brady: [singing] "You make me feel so young..."
- [mimes breast feeding, then biting on the nipple]
- Brad Sherwood: [singing] Strike up the old Victrola, I'm showin' my areola!
- Wayne Brady: [in "Bartender"]
- [singing]
- Wayne Brady: Well you see, can't know which is which. / I've been datin' girls for so long, it's time for a switch. / The person that I love, he's... he is no no no bad. / He's big, tall, and handsome, it's Brad!
- Brad Sherwood: [singing] So it's me that you love, / I wouldn't have known when push came to shove. / And you know, I've got a girlfriend, but I just might leave her, / ever since I found out I got jungle fever!
- [Wayne kisses Brad on the mouth]
- Colin Mochrie: [in "Bartender"]
- [sits down, after a pause]
- Colin Mochrie: What do you have to do for SERVICE around here?
- Brad Sherwood: You have to TALK to me, a little more politely. Why the long face?
- Colin Mochrie: [singing] I got a ticket for going fast. / I knew my good luck would never last. / It seems I was born under an evil star. / I got caught for speeding, I didn't even have a car!
- Brad Sherwood: [singing] Listen to me, when you get a ticket...
- Colin Mochrie: Ticket. Ticket.
- Brad Sherwood: [singing] Look the cop in the eye, and just say, "stick it." / I'm the kind of guy who never stops, / You saw me last week without a shirt on an episode of "COPS".
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Bartender"] Glad to see this is still a gay bar.
- Brad Sherwood: You should've met my boyfriend, Wayne. He was in here a little while ago.
- Ryan Stiles: [singing] I have to tell you something, and tell me what you think.
- Brad Sherwood: What I think?
- Ryan Stiles: [singing] But first, pour me a really stiff, hard drink.
- Brad Sherwood: [chuckles] Okay.
- Ryan Stiles: [singing] I'm in love with my shoes, and I don't know how. / It's a shame they had to kill... forty-seven cows.
- Brad Sherwood: [singing] I see, that keeps you young. / You love your shoes, 'cause they give you a little tongue. / Well that's okay, don't you frown. / Even though it looks like you stole your shoes from a clown.