- Michael Steadman: I had a pile of papers right here. Did you move 'em or something?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: What kind of papers?
- Michael Steadman: My father's papers. They were right here.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Um, they weren't on the counter this morning.
- Michael Steadman: I put 'em right here.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Did you look in the sunroom?
- Michael Steadman: Honey, I didn't put them in the sunroom, I put 'em right here.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Well, honey, if they were there, I would have seen them.
- Linda Steadman: What are you looking for?
- Michael Steadman: My father's V.A. papers. They were right here.
- Linda Steadman: I don't understand. You got the papers from the V.A.?
- Michael Steadman: Yes, I got the papers from the V.A. What did you think you were signing the other night, a down payment on a new car? I got the papers and if we don't find them, we're gonna be out a few thousand dollars. Can you understand that or am I going too fast for you?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: [Michael's father and step-mother are visiting] You know, I wish she wouldn't always keep straightening up.
- Michael Steadman: Oh, she's just trying to help, you know. She's trying to be part of the family after 11 years. How does she know it drives you crazy? Anyway, if she starts to try and clean up after dinner, I'll smack her.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: You said we were going out to dinner.
- Michael Steadman: Tonight? No, I said they were coming here for dinner tonight.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: I'm gonna kill you now.
- Michael Steadman: Wait, wait, wait. He wants to see the house. You know, they're only gonna be here for a few days.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: I said, "Honey, I'll cook dinner." You said, "Darling, we'll go out."
- Michael Steadman: I never said "Darling".
- Michael Steadman: I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to... I just didn't know what I was saying.
- Linda Steadman: Oh, yes, you did. Last night was no different than the last 11 years. You just said it out loud, that's all.
- Michael Steadman: Wa... I-I don't think that about you. It's just... look, it's hard. That's all. I mean, you and Dad.
- Linda Steadman: Look, just for the record, when I met you, I was maybe a little bit older than you are now. I was totally scared and intimidated. All I heard was how brilliant you and Brad were. I made the cardinal mistake, only because I didn't know what else to do, of daring to act the teeniest bit like a mother to you. I remember the moment. Asked you what time you were coming home that night. Christmas vacation. You haven't given me the time of day since. You know what? I could care less about being your mother. I wasn't a very good mother to my own kids. I would have settled for just being the smallest possible kind of a friend.
- Michael Steadman: I checked, every performance is sold out, right? This is after I already told Dad I was taking him. Then I remember somebody at the PR firm who handles the theater; they owe me, like, this really large favor, so I took her to lunch.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Took her to lunch?
- Michael Steadman: Kathy Moore. You don't know her. And I asked her to use her influence to get me four house seats.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: And did the slut come through?
- Michael Steadman: When?
- [Hope hits him]
- Michael Steadman: Yes, she did.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Michael!
- Michael Steadman: Third row center, a week from Saturday.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Leo will be impressed.
- Michael Steadman: Yeah? You think so?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Linda will be impressed.
- Michael Steadman: Yeah, Linda will definitely be impressed. She just won't get it.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Well, I hope the two of you have fun going off together, leaving Linda and me to talk about...
- Michael Steadman: Listen, I thought you liked going out and doing stuff with her.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Yeah, until we run out of malls.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: [snickering at Michael's father] Michael, there's something living on his head.
- Michael Steadman: It's a toupee, Hope.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Promise me... promise me you'll never do anything like that.
- Michael Steadman: Doesn't look that bad.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Oh, Michael, it's made of Dacron or something.