- Melissa Steadman: [bumping into Michael and Elliot] Where you guys going?
- Michael Steadman: Oh, you don't wanna know. The bank.
- Melissa Steadman: Oh, what, is this, like, really a problem you're having?
- Michael Steadman: No, no, no. We just, you know, we like to look at all the money we don't have.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: You had the meeting. I thought it was this afternoon. You had the meeting? How bad?
- Michael Steadman: We're out of business.
- Elliot Weston: We are not.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Well, what happened? Tell me.
- Michael Steadman: You want the condensed version or do you want the full half-hour of patronizing crap we had to sit and swallow and not even get a chance to reply to, let alone convince them... ha, convince them?
- [sarcastic]
- Michael Steadman: That was a great idea, Elliot.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: [giving him a comforting hug] Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
- Michael Steadman: [still tender from a basketball injury] Oh, uh...
- Elliot Weston: Can I get one of those?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: No.
- Michael Steadman: Before Motherland, we were barely getting by. We borrowed money every month to make the payroll, and then in the span of one month, we hired designers, we finished the space, we bought all this equipment because we thought it was going to be cheaper than leasing it...
- Elliot Weston: Because it was cheaper than leasing it.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: But you have other accounts.
- Michael Steadman: Fewer than we had before. We, uh, actually blew off two accounts to make time for Motherland.
- Elliot Weston: We will get them back.
- Michael Steadman: And what do we do for payroll and rent until then?
- Elliot Weston: We will borrow like we used to.
- Michael Steadman: Oh, Elliot.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Well, you just cut back until you get another account. You could move.
- Michael Steadman: And what do we do with the lease?
- Elliot Weston: Sublet it.
- Michael Steadman: Sublet it? Then we are in the commercial real-estate business, Elliot. That's great.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Michael, Michael, Michael, things will work out. They always do. I mean, you guys are really good.
- Michael Steadman: I'm good. He's dead weight.
- Michael Steadman: I have to go home now. I have pressing familial duties that I must perform and that I'll get yelled at for if I don't do them.
- Elliot Weston: I have no duties. I'm footloose and fancy-free, a happy-go-lucky kind of guy.
- Michael Steadman: What are you gonna do?
- Elliot Weston: Kill myself.
- Michael Steadman: No, not if Motherland goes under. I mean now.
- Elliot Weston: Well, I thought I'd go over there and suck up to Monsignor Drantell, just in case Motherland does go under and I gotta find a job.
- Michael Steadman: Well, suck up for me, too.
- Michael Steadman: Hello.
- [meaning the kids]
- Michael Steadman: I told them to burn the house down so we could collect insurance.
- Nancy Krieger Weston: Well, that should be no problem.
- Michael Steadman: What do you care? You have no visible means of support anyway.
- [Hope punches him in the arm, hard]
- Michael Steadman: Ow! Oh. Hope, I keep telling you... ow.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Oh, why do you keep playing these stupid games when you always come home with some arcane injury? When are you gonna admit that you're old?
- Michael Steadman: [after being denied for a bank loan] So, that's it.
- Elliot Weston: That is not it.
- Michael Steadman: Elliot...
- Elliot Weston: That is not it.
- Michael Steadman: How are you gonna pay the seven salaries in our office? How are you gonna make the lease payment? How are you gonna pay for the upkeep of our equipment?
- Elliot Weston: We get 'em to defer their salaries. We lie to the management company. Come on, Mike, you know how. By the skin of our teeth.
- Michael Steadman: Elliot, there is no skin left on our teeth. Now, how do you lie to the management company?
- Elliot Weston: What are you gonna do, just let it die?
- Michael Steadman: Elliot, it is dead. Now, what are we gonna do?
- Elliot Weston: Oh, I see. Fine. 16 months and bye-bye? No, Michael.
- Michael Steadman: Elliot, what are you going to do?
- Elliot Weston: Look, I don't know what I'm gonna do. We're gonna go away, we're gonna think about it. Mike, you don't even want to talk about this. You're just giving up.
- Michael Steadman: This is unreal, Elliot. I... I mean, I can't even talk about this.
- Elliot Weston: You don't want to talk about saving the business?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: So, has Michael said anything to you?
- Melissa Steadman: On any particular topic?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Never mind.
- Melissa Steadman: What? Never mind what?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Oh, it's... oh, there's something happening with the business, and I figure it's probably bad 'cause he hasn't been complaining about it.
- Melissa Steadman: What, Elliot's leaving for clown school?
- Melissa Steadman: [learning of an offer to photograph Carly Simon] You really think I can do this?
- Russell Weller: No, but they do.
- Melissa Steadman: And that's what counts!
- [dancing around and singing]
- Melissa Steadman: Oh, yippie yi oh ki yay, galloping all the way. You have to promise me, if I mess it up, you'll tell me.
- Russell Weller: How will I know if you're messing it up? I don't know anything about this.
- Melissa Steadman: Neither do I!
- Russell Weller: But they do, and they love your work.
- Melissa Steadman: What do they know? They're record producers. It's not like Edward Steichen likes my work.
- Russell Weller: Edward Steichen is dead.
- Melissa Steadman: Russell, how can I take a picture of her? I take pictures of old Jewish ladies and pieces of fruit.
- Russell Weller: And it really pays well.
- Melissa Steadman: They're gonna pay me? You mean I don't have to pay them?
- Russell Weller: You could pay me.
- Melissa Steadman: Is it, like, a lot we're talking about here?
- [he gives a non-commital noise]
- Melissa Steadman: A real lot?
- [he makes the noise again]
- Melissa Steadman: An enormous lot?
- Russell Weller: I don't think we can know that yet.
- Melissa Steadman: Like, four figures lot?
- Russell Weller: Well.
- Melissa Steadman: Five figures.
- Russell Weller: How much do you think she makes?
- Elliot Weston: [on the phone with a business associate] No, no, no, no. He is not 6'3". He's 6'3"? Well, Mike, he's 6'2". Mike, you're 6'2", aren't you? I mean, you could cover a guy who was all-conference at Duke and got offers from three different franchises.
- Michael Steadman: 5'10".
- Elliot Weston: 5'10", 6'2", what difference does it make? Look, if the guy's really good, we could pay somebody to kneecap him at halftime.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: So, you talk to your cousin today?
- Michael Steadman: No, I was out of the office. Why?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Well, apparently she's going to this huge party for Ms. Simon and can invite anybody she wants, only she basically lied and didn't want us to know.
- Michael Steadman: Fine, she's embarrassed by us.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: That's what Ellyn says.
- Michael Steadman: It's all right. I'm embarrassed by us, too.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Michael.
- Michael Steadman: Sorry.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Who's the guy with Elliot?
- Michael Steadman: The Dark Lord of Mordor, where the shadows lie. Drentell. The "D" in D.A.A. Somewhere in his fevered brain, Elliot still thinks he can get him to help us.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: What's he doing here?
- Michael Steadman: Hmm. Don't ask.
- Elliot Weston: All right, first of all, I don't have a washer and dryer in my building. Second of all, not only have we won every game since I stopped washing my uniform, but I have been in double digits every time.
- Michael Steadman: That's because nobody's willing to guard you.
- Nancy Krieger Weston: [learning he and Michael are on the verge of bankruptcy] I can't believe Elliot didn't tell me about this. I am killing him.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: I am not panicking. My new baby will not go hungry. The bank will not take away my credit cards.
- Ellyn Warren: Get out of here. Get out of here.
- Melissa Steadman: I'm telling you.
- Ellyn Warren: You're not.
- Melissa Steadman: I am.
- Ellyn Warren: You can't.
- Melissa Steadman: I know I can't, but I am. Russell's having lunch with her people, then they're going to call my people with the final word.
- Ellyn Warren: Your people?
- Melissa Steadman: Me.
- Ellyn Warren: Carly Simon? But people don't meet Carly Simon unless they live on Martha's Vineyard.
- Melissa Steadman: I'm just taking her picture. I'm not going on tour with her.
- Michael Steadman: What are you doing with Miles Drentell?
- Elliot Weston: Hey, nice party, huh?
- Michael Steadman: What are you doing with him, Elliot?
- Elliot Weston: I saw him at the Rainbow Grill.
- Michael Steadman: What were you doing there?
- Elliot Weston: Looking for Miles Drentell. Mike, Mike, listen, listen. Listen, Mike, Mike, Mike. He didn't say no.
- Michael Steadman: He's jerking you around, Elliot. He's the competition. He wants to eat us.
- Elliot Weston: So make yourself taste good.