Life on Mars (TV Series)

Episode #1.5 (2006)

John Simm: DI Sam Tyler

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sam Tyler : I used to go to football with my dad. United and City fans used to walk to the match together. Our next door neighbour, he had a City flag up in his window. Kids used to play together in the street - red and blue. But then people like you came along and you took it away from us.

  Pete Bond : A good punch up's all part of the game. It's about pride. Pride in your team. Being the best.

  Sam Tyler : No it isn't. This is how it starts and then it escalates. It gets on the telly and in the press and then other fans from other clubs start trying to out do each other. And then it becomes about hate and then it's nothing to do with football any more. It's about gangs and scumbags like you roaming the country seeing who can cause the most trouble. And then we overreact, and we have to put up perimeter fences and we treat the fans like animals. Forty, fifty thousand people herded into pens. And then how long before something happens, eh? How long before something terrible happens and we are dragging bodies out?

• Sam Tyler : If it was to do with football, he'd have serious injuries.

  Gene : He's dead. That's quite serious.

• Gene : [pours something into a pint]  Time to liven things up a bit. It's hard to keep your stories straight when you're pissed, you ask my missus.

  Sam Tyler : I'm not sure that's ethical.

  Gene : It's not, it's vodka.

• Pete Bond : What's this?

  Sam Tyler : It's chicken in a basket.

  Man : Where's me plate?

  Sam Tyler : You don't need a plate. It's in a basket.

  Gene : Word.

  [He takes Sam further down the bar] 

  Gene : Chicken... in a basket?

  Sam Tyler : You told me to use my initiative.

  Gene : Right, let's see how good you really are.

  [hands him a piece of paper] 

  Gene : Two oxtail soups.

  [Sam looks at the paper, then takes Gene's tea-towel and wipes the food list off the board before throwing the towel at him] 

  Sam Tyler : Food's off.

• Sam Tyler : I want to talk to his family, his friends, and his workmates. I want to find out if there was another motive.

  Gene : You do that, Sherlock, and if that doesn't work, try the butler.

• Sam Tyler : A woman, at number 32, 50 yards from the murder scene, heard a man's voice. She thinks he was shouting "Carl".

  Gene : So?

  Sam Tyler : What if it wasn't Carl? What if it was Col?

  Gene : What if me uncle had tits, would he be me auntie?

• Gene : So, what do you want?

  Sam Tyler : Olive oil would be nice, bit of coriander...

  [Gene looks puzzled] 

  Sam Tyler : It's a herb.

  Gene : Well, this is Trafford Park. You've got more chance of finding an ostrich with a plum up its arse.

• [as Sam and Gene are watching football fans walking past, they notice DS Ray Carling is among them] 

  Sam Tyler : Hang on, I thought he had flu.

  Gene : Sergeant!

  [Ray starts running] 

  Gene : Come back here, you skiving little git!

• Sam Tyler : I thought you were pissed.

  Gene : Yeah, well think again. Coz I could drink every one of those toe rags under the table and still stop off for a pint on me way home. Are we done here?

  Sam Tyler : Yeah.

  Gene : Good. Coz if I want a bollocking for drinking too much, I'll call the wife thank you very much.