Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (TV Series)

Pilot (2006)

Diana Maria Riva: Lilly Rodriguez

Quotes 

• Suzanne : We're blowing off 4-A.

  Lilly : You're kidding.

  Suzanne : No.

  Lilly : It killed at Dress. It was smart!

  Cal Shanley : It never had a chance. What are we filling with?

  Suzanne : 'Peripheral Vision Man.'

  Cal Shanley : Ricky and Ron are just going to keep writing that one until somebody laughs, huh? What was the time on 4-A?

  Lilly : 4:10.

  Cal Shanley : What's the time on 'Peripheral Vision Man'?

  Lilly : 3:45.

  Cal Shanley : All right, tell the writer's room they're going to have to strecth it another twenty-five seconds, and I'm sure that making it longer was the missing ingredient in making it funny.

• Wes Mendell : [going onstage in the middle of a sketch]  Listen, fellas, we're going to stop that.

  Tom Jeter : Did we lose the feed?

  Wes Mendell : No, we're live. I want both of you to clear the stage - I don't want anyone to think that you were a part of this.

  [Audience laughs] 

  Wes Mendell : Clear the stage. Go on.

  Cal Shanley : [Audience still laughing] 

  Wes Mendell : Uh, it's not going to be a very good show tonight. I think you should change the channel.

  Cal Shanley : [in the control booth] 

  Lilly : What the hell?

  Wes Mendell : Change the channel. Right now.

  Control Room Assistant : When did they put this in?

  Lilly : Does anyone know what the hell is going on?

  Wes Mendell : Better yet, turn off the TV, okay?

  Cal Shanley : [Audience laughs] 

  Wes Mendell : No, no, I know like it seems like this is supposed to be funny, but tomorrow, tomorrow you're going to find out that it wasn't, and by that time I'll have been fired.

  [Audience laughs] 

  Wes Mendell : No, this - this is not supposed - this is not a sketch!

  Cal Shanley : [over the radio]  Uh, this is real.

• Wes Mendell : We're eating worms for money. Who wants to screw my sister? Guys are getting killed in a war that's got theme music and a logo? That remote in your hands is a crack pipe. Oh, yeah, every once in a while we pretend to be appalled...

  [in the booth] 

  Jerry : Cal!

  Cal Shanley : I'm waiting for him to say something that isn't true.

  Jerry : Who else in here knows how to do this?

  Cal Shanley : Don't talk to my control room!

  Jerry : Get him off!

  Lilly : [aside]  You have two kids in school.

  Cal Shanley : What?

  Jerry : She said you have two kids in private school whose father is five seconds away from never working again.

  Wes Mendell : America's broadcasters have turned into pornographers. It's not even good pornography! It's just this side of snuff films. And friends, that's what's next because that's all that's left.

  Lilly : Cal, come on...

  Wes Mendell : ...And the two things that make them scared gutless are the FCC and every psycho religious cult that gets positively horny at the mention of a boycott. These are the people they're afraid of...

  Cal Shanley : All right, stand by VTR...

  Lilly : [into headset]  We're gonna cut in early.

  Wes Mendell : - prissy, feckless, off-the-chocks greed-filled whorehouse...

  Jerry : There it is!

  Wes Mendell : - of a network! And you're watching this thoroughly unpatriotic motherf...

  Cal Shanley : Go VTR now!