- Mr. Garrison: And so you see, children, Genghis Khan was a "Mongol," not to be confused with a "mongoloid" like the actor, Nicholas Cage.
- Pastor Phillips: It is sometimes hard in times like these to understand God's way. Why would he allow nine innocent people to be run down in the prime of their lives by a senior citizen who, perhaps, shouldn't be driving? It is then that me must understand God's sense of humor is very different from our own. He does not laugh at the simple "man walks into a bar" joke. No, God needs complex irony and subtle farcical twists that seem macabre to you and me. All that we can hope for is that God got his good laugh, and a tragedy such as this will never happen again.
- Grandpa Marsh: Now, can anybody remember what we're pissed off about? I remember we were all pissed about something. That's why we had this meeting.
- Cartman: You take out Country Kitchen Buffet and old people won't know what to do.
- Kyle Broflovski: That's a retarded idea, Cartman!
- Cartman: Is it? Two years ago they closed the Country Kitchen Buffet in Steamboat Springs, and all the old people died of starvation in less than a week.
- [Mrs. Ryland is lying in a bed in a retirement home]
- Elderly Women: Mrs. Ryland, seniors are taking over the town. Would you like a gun?