Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)
Hamlet (1999)
Michael J. Nelson: Mike Nelson
Quotes
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Hamlet : That is the question.
Crow : I'll take "To Be" for fifty, Alex.
Hamlet : Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...
Tom Servo : Starring Shelly Long and Bette Midler.
Hamlet : Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them.
Mike Nelson : Ow, my shin's right on the edge of a stair.
Hamlet : To die... To sleep...
Crow : That's what we're doing right now, bub.
Hamlet : No more. And by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.
Mike Nelson : Okay, we need a predicate now.
Hamlet : 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.
Crow : Especially with Ophelia, man!
Hamlet : To die... To sleep...
Tom Servo : To SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Crow : Whoa! That's an old chestnut.
Hamlet : [whispering] To sleep...
Tom Servo : [ditto] to sleeeep...
Hamlet : Perchance to DREAM!
Crow : The impossible DREAM!
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Mike Nelson : Ophelia's trying to Section Eight her way out of the film.
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Hamlet : to grunt and sweat under a weary life, but that the dread of something after death, The undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveller returns, puzzles the will and makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others...
Tom Servo : SUM UP!
Hamlet : that we know not of? thus conscience does make cowards of us all; and thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, and enterprises of great pith and moment with this regard their currents turn awry, and lose the name of... action.
Mike Nelson : So - "I'm a chicken for not stabbing myself," that's all you needed to say!
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[Fanfare plays as Queen Gertrude from "Hamlet" drinks poison]
Mike Nelson : Aha. The Queen's Suicide Fanfare.
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Hamlet : To be or not to be...
Mike Nelson : The verbal equivalent of
[hums the opening notes to Beethoven's Fifth Symphony]
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[Hamlet collapses into the throne]
Mike Nelson : Who died and made you king?
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Hamlet : Ay! There's the rub!
Mike Nelson : I knew I had some rub left!
Hamlet : For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil. There's the respect that makes calamity of such long life. For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, the oppressor's wrongs, the proud man's contumely...
[Mike begins nodding head along with the list]
Hamlet : ...The pangs of despised love, the law's delay... The insolence of office and the spurns that patient merit of the unworthy takes, when he himself his quietus make with a bare bodkin?
Crow : He said bare bodkin!
[giggles]
Hamlet : Who would fardels bear...
Mike Nelson : Fardels.
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Horatio : A murder most foul.
Mike Nelson : He killed a chicken?
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Claudius : Speak, I go no further...
Mike Nelson : That's not what *I* hear big boy...
-
Hamlet : That is the question.
Crow : I'll take "To Be" for fifty, Alex.
Hamlet : Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...
Tom Servo : Starring Shelly Long and Bette Midler.
Hamlet : Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them.
Mike Nelson : Ow, my shin's right on the edge of a stair.
Hamlet : To die... To sleep...
Crow : That's what we're doing right now, bub.
Hamlet : No more. And by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.
Mike Nelson : Okay, we need a predicate now.
Hamlet : 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.
Crow : Especially with Ophelia, man!
Hamlet : To die... To sleep...
Tom Servo : To SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
Crow : Whoa! That's an old chestnut.
Hamlet : [whispering] To sleep...
Tom Servo : [ditto] to sleeeep...
Hamlet : Perchance to DREAM!
Crow : The impossible DREAM!
Hamlet : Ay! There's the rub!
Mike Nelson : I knew I had some rub left.
Hamlet : For in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil. There's the respect that makes calamity of such long life. For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, the oppressor's wrongs, the proud man's contumely...
[Mike begins nodding head along with the list]
Hamlet : ... The pangs of despised love, the law's delay... The insolence of office and the spurns that patient merit of the unworthy takes, when he himself his quietus make with a bare bodkin?
Crow : He said bare bodkin!
[giggles]
Hamlet : Who would fardels bear...
Mike Nelson : Fardels.
