Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Series)

The Breakup Tape (2002)

Ray Romano: Ray Barone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Debra Barone : This is from Chad.

  Ray Barone : Chad.

  Debra Barone : "Debra's eyes." "Brown as earth, Giveth life to tree and brush. Speckled green, like the breast of a thrush. Yellow ringed as the sun on a web. So many colors in thine eye, My Deb."

  Ray Barone : [laughing]  Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Whoo-hoo! Ohhh, man! That's the poem?

  Debra Barone : Don't make fun of it!

  Ray Barone : I don't have to. Read it again.

  Debra Barone : It happens to be very romantic!

  Ray Barone : Yeah, yeah. Read it again.

  Debra Barone : No! You don't appreciate it. For your information, he wrote this in the 10th grade, and he ended up going to Yale.

  Ray Barone : Not on a poetry scholarship.

  Debra Barone : Well, I don't see you writing me any poems!

  Ray Barone : I can't now. Chad killed poetry.

• Ray Barone : So that's all you got? Some rhymes about your many-colored eyeball?

  Debra Barone : No. There are letters and gifts.

  Ray Barone : Gifts? What gift? You didn't tell me about any gifts. What? Show me a gift.

  Debra Barone : They're not in the box.

  Ray Barone : Where are they?

  Debra Barone : Around.

  Ray Barone : Around where?

  Debra Barone : I don't know. I got that bird feeder out in back.

  Ray Barone : That was from a boyfriend? That's a great gift. Guarantees the birds are nice and full when they fly over my car. Boy, that Chad's a real winner.

  Debra Barone : It wasn't from Chad. That was from Gary.

  Ray Barone : Gary? Oh, another guy. What's Gary's deal? Huh? He a good kisser?

  Debra Barone : Okay, listen, I'm sorry I brought this out.

  Ray Barone : Come on, is he a good kisser?

  Debra Barone : I don't remember.

  Ray Barone : Come on. I just wanna know when I'm hosing off my windshield that the kissing was good.

  Debra Barone : Ray, I really don't remember. None of these guys mean anything to me now.

  Ray Barone : What other gifts do you have?

  Debra Barone : I don't know. Um, the pepper grinder.

  Ray Barone : The pepper grinder? Our pepper grinder? The grinder I pepper my food with? Come on what else?

  Debra Barone : Ally's doll with the blue dress.

  Ray Barone : Susanna? Some boyfriend gave Ally the Susanna doll?

  Debra Barone : No, he gave it to me.

  Ray Barone : Why did you let her play with it?

  Debra Barone : She saw it and she wanted it. She didn't know where it was from.

  Ray Barone : So she just saw some boyfriend doll? What, did you have it out when you were reading poetry and feeding the birds? With pepper?

• Debra Barone : Hi, Ray. This is Debra. Um l've been doing some thinking, and these are the reasons why we should break up. You're obsessive, insecure, selfish. You don't always have the best judgment with your children and their dolls and yet I'm never gonna leave you, ever, because you happen to be perfect for me. And I love you very much, you stupid, stupid man. Beep!

  Ray Barone : That's the best message anybody's ever left me. Still wanna lure me with your sex?

• Debra Barone : Did you ever listen to the rest of that tape from college?

  Ray Barone : What do you mean?

  Debra Barone : Sounded like there were a lot more messages on it.

  Ray Barone : No, I didn't listen. After the Karen message, all I could listen to was Dan Fogelberg.

  Debra Barone : You ready? You ready for this?

  [Debra pushes play] 

  Marie Barone On Tape : Hello, Raymond, it's your mother. I haven't heard from you today. Did you enjoy the cookies I sent you?

  [beep] 

  Marie Barone On Tape : Raymond, it's your mother. I still haven't heard from you. I hope you're all right.

  [beep] 

  Marie Barone On Tape : Raymond Albert Barone! This is your mother! You pick up that phone and you call me!

  [beep] 

  Frank Barone On Tape : Ray, it's your father. Jeezaloo, call your mother!

  [beep] 

  Robert Barone On Tape : Ray, Robert. I was thinkin' of comin' up this weekend.

  Marie Barone On Tape : Are you talking to Raymond?

  Robert Barone On Tape : I gotta get out of this house! I can't take it anymore. Why would you go to college? You gotta help me, man!

  Marie Barone On Tape : Give me that phone!

  Robert Barone On Tape : Ma, no get outta my room!

• Debra Barone : You know maybe I don't wanna be closer to you.

  Ray Barone : It's too late now. We're close, my friend. What else?

  Debra Barone : Ray, come on.

  Ray Barone : No, no. Come on. I want to know about all your other lover gifts. Go ahead.

  Debra Barone : What, are you gonna write these down?

  Ray Barone : Yeah, for insurance purposes. Let's go, keep going.

  Debra Barone : Okay, all right. The leaky cooler in the garage.

  Ray Barone : [writing it down]  "Sucky cooler."

  Debra Barone : [correcting him]  "Leaky cooler."

  Ray Barone : Yeah, I got my own system. What else?

  Debra Barone : The lamp with the horses.

  Ray Barone : "Horse's ass lamp." Keep goin'.

  Debra Barone : There are some other things, but I don't wanna play this anymore.

  Ray Barone : What other things? God, these things must be everywhere, right? What about in here? Huh? Anything in our bedroom? From your past?

  Debra Barone : No.

  Ray Barone : There is. There is, isn't there? What? What is it? Am I wearing any of it?

  Debra Barone : The white picture frame.

  Ray Barone : That's around a picture of our children! Wait a minute.

  Debra Barone : They're our kids, Ray!

  Ray Barone : Really? You sure that they weren't a "gift?"

  Debra Barone : Honey, calm down!

  Ray Barone : No!

  Debra Barone : Oh, Ray, come on. Come here.

  Ray Barone : No, no, no you can't lure me with your sex! That's how you do it, right? I come over there, and the next thing you know, I'm in a cage with Chad and Gary, goin', "I hope Debra comes back!" Well, no, thank you!