- [sees Mr. Mackey try a "mind-meld" with an emotionally crippled boy]
- Nurse Gollum: This is the strangest thing I've ever seen.
- Mr. Mackey: Please, nurse. For a woman with a dead fetus on your head, you're not being very open-minded.
- Cartman: [singing] I love Cheesy Poofs / We love Cheesy Poofs / If we all didn't love Cheesy Poofs / We'd be lame / I'm talking Night-Court-in-its-fifth-season lame!
- Young Female Planetarium Worker: [Repeated line] I like my job.
- Stan: Does that mean you're gonna be in that cheesy poofs commercial?
- Cartman: It's between me and 4 other kids. I'm on my way with my mum to the final.
- Kyle: [haiku] I bet you don't win/They don't let big fat asses/Perform on TV.
- Mr. Garrison: Very good Kyle.
- Cartman: [attempting a haiku] Shut your goddamn mouth/Or else I'm gonna kick you/ Square in the balls asshole
- [realises he has said one syllable too many]
- Cartman: Ah dammit!
- Mr. Garrison: [Mr. Garrison has just shown his class an episode of Barnaby Jones] Okay, children, what do you think Barnaby Jones meant when he said, "This is not a victimless crime"? Anybody? Children, were you paying attention?
- Kyle: Mr. Garrison, we've been watching Barnaby Jones repeats for eight days now. It's hard to keep paying attention.
- Mr. Garrison: Oh, well excuse me, Kyle! Why don't you just *forget* what Barnaby Jones has to say? Why don't you *not* pay attention to Barnaby Jones and then let's see how far you get in society?
- Barnaby Jones' Accomplace: Well, detective. It looks like ya fooled them again.
- Barnaby Jones: [Sounding old abd labored] All in a day's work, I guess. I just hope that next time, I won't have to run so much.
- [the end credits roll and the TV is turned off]