South Park (TV Series)
Timmy 2000 (2000)
Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mr. Garrison, Timmy, Mr. Mackey, Doctor, Skyler Moores, Pharmacist, Band Singer, Man in Crowd #1, Man in Crowd #2, Charlie Rose, Phil Collins, Laughing Man, MTV Announcer, Phillip, VH1 Presenter, Randy Marsh, Dr. Shay
Photos
Quotes
-
MTV announcer : You're watching MTV, the cool brainwashing 12-year-old-and-younger station that hides behind a slick image. We're so cool that we decide what's cool. Now, MTV News, the news that is single-handedly dumbing down our country. Which is cool.
-
Kurt Loader : Phil Collins warns that a novelty band that makes fun of the handicapped should not be allowed to play at Lallapala-blah-blah-blah, and vows to do everything in his power to stop it. Phil Collins by the way divorced his wife by a fax and then married a 27-year old.
-
Chef : Hello there children
Cartman , Kyle , Stan , Kenny McCormick : [calmly] Hello Chef
Chef : How's it going?
Cartman , Kyle , Stan , Kenny McCormick : [politely] Very well, thank you
Chef : [suspicious] Everything's fine? Why?
Stan : Because we're on Ritalin
Chef : What?
Kyle : We all have attention deficit disorder, so we all started taking Ritalin
Cartman : [talking like a stoner] It really takes the edge off man, you should try it
[takes a handful of pills]
Chef : So that's why all you children are acting so damned boring!
Kyle : That's correct Chef
Chef : Damnit, children, you don't need drugs to make you pay attention in school! In my day, if we didn't pay attention we got a belt to the bottom! Now they're tryin' to cure everything with drugs!
-
Clinic Doctor : Now, Timmy, I'm going to read you a book called, "The Great Gatsby," by F. Scott Fitzgerald. At the end of the novel I'll ask you a few questions. Are you ready?
Timmy : Timmih.
Clinic Doctor : [sits] Okay, here we go.
[opens the book and clear his throat]
Clinic Doctor : "In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since"
["since since since since..." The clock reads 2:01, but the hours begin to roll by: 3:24, 5:55, 9:09...]
Clinic Doctor : "so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
Timmy : Ha-a-a-a-a-h.
Clinic Doctor : Okay now, Timmy. Can you tell me: In Chapter 7, what kind of car did Gatsby drive?
Timmy : [fiddles around some, then turns aside] Timmih!
Clinic Doctor : [rises and slams the book on the floor] Well, that settles it!
Mr. Mackey : [sits up] Huh?
Clinic Doctor : This young man definitely has Attention Deficit Disorder!
Mr. Mackey : [rubs his eyes] Oh oh, I nuh-I knew it.
Principal Victoria : What can we do for him, doctor?
Clinic Doctor : Well, ADD is fairly common in kids today. I'm gonna prescribe some Ritalin, and we'll see how that goes for little Timmy.
Timmy : [softly] Timmih.
-
Phil Collins : I know. I'd like to sing the complex and amazing song that won me the Oscar, a song entitlted, "You'll Be In... Me."
[goes to the piano, sets the Oscar on the piano top and starts playing it]
Phil Collins : Thanks. You're inside of me. Deep inside of me. So deep inside, I can feel you pushing against my heart.
-
Cartman : [all are high on Ritalin] I think we should go to Lalalapalalala anyway just to see Phil Collins.
Kyle : Yeah. I think Phil Collins rocks the house.
Cartman : Sounds good.
Cartman : Then it's decided. Phil Collins concert for all of us. Oh, hold still, Kenny.
[hits Kenny in the face with a frying pan]
Stan : Oh my goodness, you killed Kenny.
Kyle : Bastard.
-
Mr. Garrison : [in reference to the Declaration of Independence] And who wrote that document? Hmm... let's see... I know, let's ask the new kid, Timmy.
Timmy : Timmy!
Mr. Garrison : No Timmy, it wasn't you.
-
Mr. Garrison : Okay children let's settle down!
[all the children sit there quietly and attentively]
Mr. Garrison : Huh I mean it, I want it quiet!
[the children remain calm]
Mr. Garrison : My god Mr. Hat, these children are so boring on Ritalin. Huh, alright children, were going to learn about human reproduction, what do you think about that?
[the children don't respond]
Mr. Garrison : Vaginas and penises! Butt sex!
[no one says a word]
Mr. Garrison : Well damnit! Eric don't you have some smartass thing to say?
Cartman : [calmly and politely] What kind of smartass thing would I say Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison : [grabs his head in anger] This is driving me crazy! I can't handle you little bastards being so mellow!
Kyle : Gee you seem a little stressed Mr. Garrison, why don't you try some Ritalin?
[hands a bottle to Mr. Garrison who grabs it and dumps the pills down his throat]
Cartman : There you go
[hallucinates seeing a Christina Aguilera monster]
Cartman : Woah!
-
Chef : [about the children taking Ritalin] Oh it makes me sick! Those damned psychologists prescribe all kinds of medicines to you children without even caring about the side effects!
Stan : But there are no side effects Chef
Kyle : Not at all
Cartman : [hallucinates seeing a Christina Aguilera monster] Did you guys see that?
Stan : See what?
