The Simpsons (TV Series)

Simpsons Tall Tales (2001)

Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson, Connie Appleseed, Becky Thatcher

Photos 

Quotes 

• [the Simpsons are on a wagon train in the Old West] 

  Homer : [singing]  Cleaning my gun with the safety off, safety off, safety off, cleaning my gun with the...

  [gun goes off, killing a buffalo] 

  Homer : Whoopsie.

  Lisa : Dad, you just killed a poor, defenseless buffalo!

  Homer : A poor, *delicious* buffalo. He'll be dinner for the whole wagon train.

  [shoots another buffalo] 

  Lisa : Why'd you kill another one?

  Homer : Dessert.

• Lisa : Excuse me, Paul Bunyan never fought Rodan. And his size seems to be really inconsistent. I mean, one minute, he's ten feet tall, the next, his feet are as big as a lake.

  Hobo : Hey, hey, hey! Who's the hobo here?

  Lisa : I'm just sayin'.

• Bart Simpson : [the hobo finishes his Paul Bunyan story]  Boy, that story had everything. A giant, house crushing, a meteor...

  Marge Simpson : Townspeople.

  Lisa : Got any more tall tales?

  Hobo : Well, I suppose I could spin ya a few more yarns. But first, who wants to give me a sponge bath? I'm filthy.

  Homer : [the family exchange looks with each other]  All right. But your next story better be worth it.

  Hobo : [lifting his leg]  Get in there good. Yeah, that's it. Don't be shy. There you go.

• Connie Appleseed : Why is it we have ladders that can put a man on the roof but we can't find a renewable source of food? Think, Connie. Think.

  Moleman : Connie.

  Connie Appleseed : Wha...

  Moleman : Connie.

  Connie Appleseed : [thinking it's the tree talking]  That tree! It seems to be calling to me.

  [running up to it] 

  Connie Appleseed : Of course! Apples!

  Moleman : [farther ahead, sinking into quicksand]  No, Connie, over here! Help me!

• Connie Appleseed : I don't want anything to do with this wagon train of death. Either switch to apples, or go on without me. Hmph!

  [she sticks her nose in the air; with the crack of a whip, the wagon leaves without her] 

  Connie Appleseed : [throwing an apple]  You'll be sorry!

  [the apple landing and a buffalo braying are heard, followed by the thud of its body hitting the ground] 

• Hobo : [narrating his Connie Appleseed story]  With the buffalo gone, the starving settlers were driven to cannibalism.

  Chief Wiggum : [drawing wishbones]  You're the fattest, Bufflekill. Okay, everybody, dig in!

  [Homer shrieks as they all advance on him] 

  Connie Appleseed : Stop! I've got apples! Delicious, nutritious apples. And there's enough for everyone.

  Additional Voices : [Sideshow Mel, taking a bite]  Sweet!

  [taking another bite] 

  Additional Voices : It's like a hootenanny in my mouth!

  Principal Skinner : We're saved!

  Ned Flanders : It's a miracle!

  Carl : Hurray for Connie Bufflekill!

  Moe Szyslak : [sticking his head out from under Homer's coat]  What? So now we're not eating Homer?