Futurama (TV Series)

The Honking (2000)

John DiMaggio: Bender, Car Smasher #1, Sal

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bender : I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it.

• Uncle Vladimir : Come, Bender. You'll like being dead.

  Bender : That's what they said about being alive!

• Bender : Othewise I can't die?

  Gypsy-bot : What? Sure, you can die.

  [whips out a huge rifle] 

  Gypsy-bot : You want to die?

  Bender : No! I want to live! There's still so many things I don't own!

• Will Reader : To my loyal butler, You There, for his decades of service, I leave a pittance, to be paid in twenty equal installments of one-twentieth of a pittance each.

  [Butler cries] 

  Will Reader : To my lazy, spoiled son Tandy, who never understood the value of a dollar, I leave my entire $20 million fortune.

  Tandy : Is that a lot?

  Will Reader : And to my loving nephew Bender, assuming he's not the cause of my demise, I leave my castle.

  Bender : Yes! Let's stay there tonight!

  Will Reader : On condition that he spend one night within its walls.

  Bender : Oh, man, there's always a catch!

• [Bender, Fry, and Leela are looking for the original were-car] 

  Robot Farmer : Ye think me be he?

  Bender : Si!

  Robot Farmer : Ni! I mean no.

• Bender : I need professional help, and damn the expense!

  [cut to the fortune teller booth; the cost is five cents] 

  Bender : Damn the expense!

• [last lines] 

  Fry : You didn't hurt me at all! But I know you wanted to, and *that's* what matters.

  [Fry takes out a bottle of beer] 

  Fry : [drinks it]  Ah.

  Bender : [suddenly angry]  Hey, that's my last beer! You bastard! I'll kill you!

  Fry : [friendly tone]  I'll kill you too, buddy. I'll kill you too.

  [Bender starts choking Fry] 

• Hermes Conrad : And for Bender... Uh-oh. A black-bordered envelope.

  Amy Wong : Oh, no! Someone you know must have died.

  Bender : I hope it was one of my enemies. Those guys suck.

• Sal : Gets outta here, yous lousy bum.

  Bender : Please. I'm scared.

  Sal : We're all scared. It's the human condition. Why do you thinks I put on this tough guy façade? Now beats it!

• Hermes Conrad : Bender, mon, no one's trying to run you over. Stop being a big, hallucinating baby.

  Bender : Yeah? Could a big, hallucinating baby do this?... Waah-ha-ha! I'm scared!

• Bender : I got a good vibe from this place. Nice, long dinner table; quiet, well behaved spiders; graveyard adjacent; Yep, this is going to be... Aah!

  Leela : What is it?

  Bender : That painting! The eyes are watching me!

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : It has motorized sensors attached to motion detectors.

  Bender : So does my butt, but I don't frame it and put it on the wall. Although...

• Bender : Well, I'm rich. Goodbye, losers whom I always hated!

• Bender : No doubt about it. This place must be haunted.

  Hermes Conrad : Don't be silly, mon. The last ghost died over 200 years ago.

  Bender : The last *human* ghost. But robot ghosts... Ooooh!

• Leela : There, no rampaging for you tonight.

  Bender : Wouldn't it make sense to weld everyone except me to the wall?

  Leela : Just relax, Bender. Tomorrow we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast, and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil.

  Fry : It'll be a rich, full day.

• Mugger #1 : I don't know which I like more, smashing cars or smashing faces.

  Mugger #2 : Lucky you don't have to decide tonight. Come on, we've got church tomorrow.

• [Leela, Bender and Fry find Project Satan looking miserable next to a burning furnace in the abandoned Automobile Lab] 

  Leela : It looks so unhappy.

  [Leela approaches Project Satan] 

  Leela : Excuse me. Are you Project Satan?

  [growling miserably, Project Satan turns to face Leela] 

  Leela : Don't be afraid. We know what you are.

  Project Satan : [downcast]  You do?

  Leela : [Fry and Bender come over]  Would you like us to... put you out of your misery?

  Project Satan : [suddenly perks up with an evil tone]  Misery? What misery? I *love* killing people! Squishing them 'til their organs squirt out like chunky mustard!

  Bender : [reasoning]  Look, everyone loves killing people, but I don't wanna hurt my friends.

  [Fry puts his robotic arms around Fry and Leela, but Fry shakes him off and walks away as a bell chimes outside and Bender's arms turn into wheels] 

  Leela : Oh, no! It's midnight!

  Bender : [turning evil]  Hey, this is starting to feel pretty good!

  [Bender laughs and Project Satan laughs with him] 

• [Bender fully transforms into the Were-Car as Project Satan pulls up beside him] 

  Project Satan : [evilly]  Take whichever one you want!

  Bender : [excited]  Oh, boy! I feel like a car in a Candy Store!

  [Bender decides between Fry and Leela and chases after Fry] 

  Fry : [running]  Yes! He chose me! He's trying to kill *me*!

• [Project Satan lands on a ramp, chuckles but then sees that he's heading towards the fiery furnace, he brakes but slides sideways into the furnace and melts, lifting the curse and Bender, still in mid-air between ramps, transforms back into a robot] 

  Bender : Uh-oh!

  [Bender crash-lands at the bottom of the other ramp] 

  Leela : [runs over as Bender gets up]  Bender! You're cured! But what happened to Fry?

  Bender : [emotionally]  I must've killed him! He was my *best friend*! And I killed him! Ahh! I never felt so empty inside!

  [Bender's door opens, revealing Fry alive cooped up inside] 

  Fry : [relieved]  Bender! I'm alive!

  [Fry climbs out] 

  Fry : You didn't hurt me at all!